Crying

I am in my home town to see my sister, brother, nieces, friends etc.  It has been a good few days.  My brother is doing okay.  I had to remind the nurses to be more vigilant with his remaining foot.  But other than that, he is in good spirits.  His memory is gone, but he does recognize me and we chat.  The upside is, I can tell the same stories every day and they are new to him.
My sister is getting frailer and her memory is going as well.  I guess that is what I have to look forward to in 11 years.
I came back to my friend's house, had a visit and went to bed.  I started to cry and cry.  I look at my siblings who are in their late 70s and wonder why they are hanging on and Lisa is gone.  I am pretty sure I am not the only one who wonders these things but tonight it just made me sad.  Not that I want to see either of them gone but Lisa had so much life to live. 
I read Sandi's journal and thought about the Serenity Prayer and the cushion Lisa embroidered for me.  She knew how much I liked it and sometimes reminded me about it when I got upset about things I could not change.  The cushion sits on the bench by the door - it is like Lisa reminding me that I can't change things, but how I wish I could.  I can't bring her back and it just makes me so very sad. 
Lisa: I know you probably don't want me crying but tonight I just can't stop. 
I miss you always and love you forever.