Cryday

Dearest,
   It's Christmas Eve, Very difficult without you. I'm not doing the candles or the music tonight. I can't, I just can't. I never lost anyone so important in my life. I'm not ready, maybe another Christmas. Even without trying I am remembering friends past, all the way back to Vietnam. Think I'll call Stoney, haven't spoken to him in years.
  I'm having a hard time keeping some balance. It's all so unfair, so unjust, it's just not right! I think that's why I get angry, at the injustice, the unfairness. Those things always pissed me off! I've got to work on some understanding, some acceptance or I'll never get through this.
  I did nothing today, fed myself and the cats, took out the garbage and that's it. Slept a little, not so much really. Busy day tomorrow with the grandsons and the birds. Still trying to get some decent pictures of the birds. They just won't sit still! Maybe if I find my balance . . .
Till next time, your Ken