Crushed dreams and thinspo.

I'm not moving out for college. I'm not even going to college anymore. Not for fall term, at least. That's right, I will be living in hell for just a bit longer. Once winter comes along I will (hopefully) be moving out with my sister and her boyfriend to Eugene. I will be going to Lane if we do move to Eugene, and I can also do dual enrollment at U of O. And they have an amaaazzinggggg theatre program. Sounds great, but what do I do now? Get my licence, get a job at a resturaunt in town... This wasn't supposed to happen...
I've been crying all day. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE! I CAN'T BARE IT! I've come so close to cutting so many times today... 
And in a fit needing a distraction, I was looking through all my old journals and I found my old thinspo one. I realized how much I have let myself go... I'm back at my starting weight from last year. Well, now I'm done. No more eating. At all.
In a way, starving is keeping me sane. It's the one thing I can manage and control. And it will make me look and feel better, so that can't hurt, can it?