Crossroads.
I have come to face several notions.
One is that it is 110% completely and utterly over with the stbx husband. He told me out right that he is okay with the idea of me with another man. He does not want to reconcile and he doesn't want to continue the marriage.
Another thing is... that is okay with me. I see that he is not the sort of "man" that I want to be with. He is going down a dead end street, he has completely changed according to a mutual friend. Financially he is struggling... not that I am not, but I at least have a handle on where I am and where I want to be. Emotionally I am still wounded where he has shown absolutely zero emotion toward our break up. I've only seen anger and lust from him before, and now it's anger or apathy.
He confuses me so much...
The things he posts on social media sites hurt me. He posts perverted things, or "motivational" posts about relationships like if she does this says this and acts such and such way never let her go. He goes out and posts photos of him at clubs. He won't remove his married status or tell extended friends we aren't together anymore, but acts cold and indifferent to me. He says he doesn't want me to be his wife but then says he wants to see me. For instance, he knows what a horrible time I'm having living with my sister's family and how much I hate it here. So he says "would you like to come spend the night on Saturday? like a mini vacation"
...
These sort of bullsh!t things confuse and hurt me. I sincerely don't understand. It's like he wants me gone but he doesn't want me to heal and I don't know what to do about it. How do I endure this with any sort of dignity?
The only thing that stays the same is everything changes. Always changing. Constantly changing. Never constant. Even in weakness one finds strength. The will and push to move on. No matter who - if anyone - is beside them. Change shows you that your own two feet are the only stable foundations for you to build yourself up. The biggest mistake you can make is relying on someone else to help prop up your sense of self. I've learned this the hard way but I'm still having trouble accepting it. I will move on and I will do better with myself........ but this journey is hard as hell.
One is that it is 110% completely and utterly over with the stbx husband. He told me out right that he is okay with the idea of me with another man. He does not want to reconcile and he doesn't want to continue the marriage.
Another thing is... that is okay with me. I see that he is not the sort of "man" that I want to be with. He is going down a dead end street, he has completely changed according to a mutual friend. Financially he is struggling... not that I am not, but I at least have a handle on where I am and where I want to be. Emotionally I am still wounded where he has shown absolutely zero emotion toward our break up. I've only seen anger and lust from him before, and now it's anger or apathy.
He confuses me so much...
The things he posts on social media sites hurt me. He posts perverted things, or "motivational" posts about relationships like if she does this says this and acts such and such way never let her go. He goes out and posts photos of him at clubs. He won't remove his married status or tell extended friends we aren't together anymore, but acts cold and indifferent to me. He says he doesn't want me to be his wife but then says he wants to see me. For instance, he knows what a horrible time I'm having living with my sister's family and how much I hate it here. So he says "would you like to come spend the night on Saturday? like a mini vacation"
...
These sort of bullsh!t things confuse and hurt me. I sincerely don't understand. It's like he wants me gone but he doesn't want me to heal and I don't know what to do about it. How do I endure this with any sort of dignity?
The only thing that stays the same is everything changes. Always changing. Constantly changing. Never constant. Even in weakness one finds strength. The will and push to move on. No matter who - if anyone - is beside them. Change shows you that your own two feet are the only stable foundations for you to build yourself up. The biggest mistake you can make is relying on someone else to help prop up your sense of self. I've learned this the hard way but I'm still having trouble accepting it. I will move on and I will do better with myself........ but this journey is hard as hell.
Replies
I\'m sorry this is so hard on you - but most, maybe all breakups are, even when they are the right breakups. My suggestion, and you can take it for what it\'s worth, is to maybe completely cut ties for a while. Don\'t talk to him, don\'t read what he writes on the social media pages. He sounds like a very manipulative, confused man who wouldn\'t have a problem dragging others down his path of destruction. Sometimes it\'s just best to remove poison like that from our lives. Find better ppl to associate with. Good luck.
I\'m sorry you\'re going through this. I agree with polydoly, make a clean break. It sounds like he may have you hanging on while he moves on. Don\'t let him manipulate you or give faulse hope. Good luck.