Cross Road
I contracted this camp site for 4 nights. I think. This particular campground is caught in the protocol shift between old world adventuring where you find a spot that works for you and leave your money and info in the slot (honor system) and the Smart Phone world where you reserve on-line, site unseen. I used the old world protocols and slid my money in the slot, but cannot rule out the possibility that someone was reserving this site on line and will be along shortly to claim their rights. Que sera sera.
I sit now about 300 miles northwest of the river confluence which has woven its way through so much of my life. Yes, the same confluence which can be seen from the widow's walk at Fort Defiance State Park. No, I havenae ever lived in the area, but it has played a healing role throughout my long, winding journey from child prostitute to comfortable retiree.
Between here and the confluence is the town where I was born and lived until I was almost one year old. No, I donae remember it well but my mother's birth family is having a reunion there this weekend. I'm invited. An aunt has even offered me lodging, as she did after my father's death in 2005. She was a wonderful host and didnae deserve the way I just faded off into the distance since. Nor did any of the other relatives who welcomed me back to the fold. Only I didn't feel like I was "back." Felt like the first acquaintance to me. The assumptions of family connection still confuse me. They feel like expectations my personal realities canae support.
Among the too many options Hubs and I have discussed is the possibility of setting up house in the confluence area. It is a BIG area which straddles the political entities of Kentucky, Indiana, Illinois and Missouri. An natural entity as big as the confluence of the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers is more than a single human construct can cover. The physics don't make the neat, straight lines human logic craves. The surrounding wetlands and flood plains get messy, to say the least.
Going back to Texas still feels like an unhealthy option for now. My matriarchal role within the family dysfunction cycles remains immersed in "Business As Usual" and doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results is the definition of insanity which feels applicable. Letting God lead the dance while I hold the love sacred. Prayers in progress.
For now, I'm giving ^it^ the old soft chew. The river calls. . .
Replies
The conflict happened. The gentlemen who are tasked with settling this particular round of conflict are making the rounds now, talking to each of last night's arrivals who chose the same site as an on-line reservation. My own case was resolved with a site up-grade, if I want it. I am still deciding. Fact is, this campground is as bright as a suburban parking lot. Last night's sleep qualified as exposure therapy for my light trigger. The site which was offered might provide enough tree shade to ward off the bright of night, but moving a camp 30 feet is every bit as much work as packing it up and moving on. No immediate hurry to decide.
In my 40+ year computer career, I have deliberately skipped more than one generation of latest greatest. I still view computers as what works more than the latest greatest. I am still hoping to skip the Smart Phone generation, for quite a number of reasons, but it might be time to bite the bullet. Maybe. For sure, not this morning. My shopping plans for today were going down the dino-tech line of printed books. There is a curious looking old book shop in town.
A curious-looking old bookshop cures many modern ills for me. I'd say... think of th efact that the family may regard you as an acquaintance that they'd like to know better.? I can about abide one aunt with that understanding in place. My other paternal "family"? Eh, no. We're all mutually agreed. They want things I won't give, and what they give, I don't want.
As for campsites... I didn't even know you could still camp on honor system anywhere. *sigh* Ah, those were the days. When you didn't have to agree to plan things that you'd rather leave to the flow of currents.
Support as you sort.
The camp is far enough moved to try it out for size. This time I paid more attention to the street lights which plagued my sleep last night. The "Dark Sky" parks are my faves and this park is as Light Age as I have ever seen. Fits the trailer park theme of RV camping, I s'pose.
Still. . . Working with what I have, as it comes, feels like an important priority to hold dear just now. I have covered allot of ground since I left Texas for that first funeral pilgrimage for my brother back in March. Feeling like I need to hold to the notion of taking some days sit and meditate a spell.
Stillness can bring interesting results. Healing to you.