CRISIS
Thankyou to all who supported me when I reported the scandal with my GP this summer and had to file a formal complaint. It was an extremely trying times and I had to compose 2 fact filled letters and do a phone conference which almost finished me off. Underlying this, I felt it was Gods will and prayed every night that it would be used to educate the medical profession no matter how discouraging.
I was told I would have a new Resident Dr for the next 2 years, it is a Dr training clinic. To my shock, I got a registered letter stating that after consulting with the "colleagues" they can no longer provide me with healthcare and will continue my meds for 6 months, while I look for a new Dr. I was too upset to even call the caseworker about the complaint, of this. (She is at The College of Physicians). It could be that she cannot prevent it anyway, they only deal with the factual info of my complaint issues.
Anyway, I was just getting over this trauma, trying to get the energy to look for a Dr, a task I loathe!
I decided that I needed a real feminist type counselor, aware of more urban issues, know that people have crazy illnesses and could deal with some of the grief I have over my estranged daughter. There are many professionals in Toronto who are well versed on issues with teens, children's aid, mental health, etc.. So I thought at least I've got the benefit of being in the largest city in Canada.
When I got married 10 years ago, my hubby had a condo in the far west region, but luckily I have a car. I approached one of th wonderful artists that work in my theatre program that I have known for 9 years and they started looking for a good therapist for me.
I finally made an appt and was feeling relieved and strengthened that maybe I could start healing from all the grief I have been through. Although the fee was high, I was willing to book 4 sessions if it was a good match.
THIS IS THE PART I WOULD LIKE YOUR FEEDBACK ON:
I have always been a caring and active person and sometimes trust too easily, so I reminded myself that, although the counselor was highly recommended, it may not be a good fit. There are two highly qualified female therapists at this office, who are dedicated to issues women face, like poverty, welfare, illness, discrimination, empowerment, etc..
I sat down with Lisa, the therapist ,who looked about 45 yrs old and was sensitive and compassionate.
I have been trained in counseling, so I came prepared with some ideas about my goals and how to express my "story". I gave her a good M.E./cfs brochure and said I have had it for 25 yrs. I discussed my 9 years of school and grief with never becoming a social worker, as I had hoped.
I WAS SO RELIEVED TO FINALLY GET COUNSELING THAT I EXPLAINED HOW SICK I GET AND ALSO MENTIONED THAT WHEN I HIT MENOPAUSE 7 YEARS AGO, I DEVELOPED ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION.
Well, to jump ahead, at the end of the appt I started crying while writing out her cheque. She asked me if I was ok. I think I have PTSD, because, I have no words anymore.
Im still trying to process what happened, but I think it went something like this:
She asked me if I have "a medical team" to manage my illness. I said no, that I am looking for a Dr. She said would I see a psychiatrist? I was flabbergasted and said "how would I do that"? She said, I would ask my GP. Incredulous, I explained that that I am not considered a priority and there is no Dr that has agreed to do that.
Then she said, THAT SHE USUALLY DOESN'T DO,PSYCHOTHERAPY WITH SOMEONE THAT HAS A MEDICAL CONDITION THAT IS THE PROMINENT ISSUE. I was quite confused by now, and then realized that she thought medication would help the anxiety and depression. (I thought, oh yeah, I have to explain that nothing works on me, AGAIN).
So I very tactfully explained that all anti- depressants and anxiety meds do not help me, and after many years of trying I have accepted that I just take them for "psychological" reasons. I also emphasized that I always follow the doctors plan, and give the meds I good try, but I know it changes nothing. I told her I am on anti- depressants now and a sleeping med, and the Dr will continue it for 6 months, while I look for a new Dr.
She asked me if anything was unclear: I ASKED HER TO CLARIFY HER RELUCTANCE. SHE THOUGHT AN ANXIETY CONDITION AND DEPRESSION THAT DOESN'T HAVE MEDICAL SUPPORT, WOULD POSE A PROBLEM FOR HER. She said to think about if we are a good fit. When she saw me crying at thneed of the appt, she asked me what was wrong. I couldn't hide tears, and said "my daughter had a suicide attempt out of the blue. I have not seen her in 7 years".
SHE SAID: "WE CANNOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW". (She had another client waiting)
By the time I got on the street walking to my car, I was sobbing. I could have easily lied down on the sidewalk and sobbed, I didn't care.
Over the last few years I have sometimes felt suicidal. Or try praying for a quick terminal cancer. I cannot talk on the phone, the symptoms get so severe. I tried calling 3 people and left messages on the way home. I was in crisis last weekend and did the same thing. Everyone was busy.
Thankyou for reading this, it is the one outlet I feel I have. Take care.
I was told I would have a new Resident Dr for the next 2 years, it is a Dr training clinic. To my shock, I got a registered letter stating that after consulting with the "colleagues" they can no longer provide me with healthcare and will continue my meds for 6 months, while I look for a new Dr. I was too upset to even call the caseworker about the complaint, of this. (She is at The College of Physicians). It could be that she cannot prevent it anyway, they only deal with the factual info of my complaint issues.
Anyway, I was just getting over this trauma, trying to get the energy to look for a Dr, a task I loathe!
I decided that I needed a real feminist type counselor, aware of more urban issues, know that people have crazy illnesses and could deal with some of the grief I have over my estranged daughter. There are many professionals in Toronto who are well versed on issues with teens, children's aid, mental health, etc.. So I thought at least I've got the benefit of being in the largest city in Canada.
When I got married 10 years ago, my hubby had a condo in the far west region, but luckily I have a car. I approached one of th wonderful artists that work in my theatre program that I have known for 9 years and they started looking for a good therapist for me.
I finally made an appt and was feeling relieved and strengthened that maybe I could start healing from all the grief I have been through. Although the fee was high, I was willing to book 4 sessions if it was a good match.
THIS IS THE PART I WOULD LIKE YOUR FEEDBACK ON:
I have always been a caring and active person and sometimes trust too easily, so I reminded myself that, although the counselor was highly recommended, it may not be a good fit. There are two highly qualified female therapists at this office, who are dedicated to issues women face, like poverty, welfare, illness, discrimination, empowerment, etc..
I sat down with Lisa, the therapist ,who looked about 45 yrs old and was sensitive and compassionate.
I have been trained in counseling, so I came prepared with some ideas about my goals and how to express my "story". I gave her a good M.E./cfs brochure and said I have had it for 25 yrs. I discussed my 9 years of school and grief with never becoming a social worker, as I had hoped.
I WAS SO RELIEVED TO FINALLY GET COUNSELING THAT I EXPLAINED HOW SICK I GET AND ALSO MENTIONED THAT WHEN I HIT MENOPAUSE 7 YEARS AGO, I DEVELOPED ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION.
Well, to jump ahead, at the end of the appt I started crying while writing out her cheque. She asked me if I was ok. I think I have PTSD, because, I have no words anymore.
Im still trying to process what happened, but I think it went something like this:
She asked me if I have "a medical team" to manage my illness. I said no, that I am looking for a Dr. She said would I see a psychiatrist? I was flabbergasted and said "how would I do that"? She said, I would ask my GP. Incredulous, I explained that that I am not considered a priority and there is no Dr that has agreed to do that.
Then she said, THAT SHE USUALLY DOESN'T DO,PSYCHOTHERAPY WITH SOMEONE THAT HAS A MEDICAL CONDITION THAT IS THE PROMINENT ISSUE. I was quite confused by now, and then realized that she thought medication would help the anxiety and depression. (I thought, oh yeah, I have to explain that nothing works on me, AGAIN).
So I very tactfully explained that all anti- depressants and anxiety meds do not help me, and after many years of trying I have accepted that I just take them for "psychological" reasons. I also emphasized that I always follow the doctors plan, and give the meds I good try, but I know it changes nothing. I told her I am on anti- depressants now and a sleeping med, and the Dr will continue it for 6 months, while I look for a new Dr.
She asked me if anything was unclear: I ASKED HER TO CLARIFY HER RELUCTANCE. SHE THOUGHT AN ANXIETY CONDITION AND DEPRESSION THAT DOESN'T HAVE MEDICAL SUPPORT, WOULD POSE A PROBLEM FOR HER. She said to think about if we are a good fit. When she saw me crying at thneed of the appt, she asked me what was wrong. I couldn't hide tears, and said "my daughter had a suicide attempt out of the blue. I have not seen her in 7 years".
SHE SAID: "WE CANNOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW". (She had another client waiting)
By the time I got on the street walking to my car, I was sobbing. I could have easily lied down on the sidewalk and sobbed, I didn't care.
Over the last few years I have sometimes felt suicidal. Or try praying for a quick terminal cancer. I cannot talk on the phone, the symptoms get so severe. I tried calling 3 people and left messages on the way home. I was in crisis last weekend and did the same thing. Everyone was busy.
Thankyou for reading this, it is the one outlet I feel I have. Take care.
Replies
Mmm. I\'m not sure what to say. I\'m not certain what the therapist may have been thinking when she said she doesn\'t usually work with someone who has a prominent illness. The only thought I would have is that she realizes that her scope of care doesn\'t go that far. This illness can attack your soul so much that you lose the desire to live. I think it\'s a constant struggle to continue to choose life. I know you are desperate and between doctors and no one seems to get CFS. I feel you. Really, I do. But you are still on this Earth for something. Your voice still needs to be heard. Your voice is almost \"prophetic\" if I can use that term. You are calling people to awareness and to action. Don\'t give up now. We need people like you. It\'s so discouraging when we hit walls over and over again. CFS is an endurance event, not a sprint. We\'re in this race with you for the long haul. Hold on to hope.
Pouty, I was here. I read your journal! It\'s very late and I\'m confused tonight. I will be back tomorrow to respond to this journal.
I realize that you are very depressed after the meeting with this doctor who does not seem to understand your illness at all. I\'m so sorry to say this, when I know you are looking for a doctor, but I don\'t think this is the one!!
GIve me the night to rest. I will be back tomorrow. I will pray tonight that you get some relief from the depression you are feeling. There is always hope. We hit these roadblocks all the time, and it\'s so discouraging!! God is good. You are not alone! We are here to listen to your problems. And we care about you very much.
Try to rest. I\'ll be back tomorrow! xoxo
Thanks guys, I really needed to hear your words!
Hi Pouty. First of all, let me tell you I am sorry to hear you have so many issues to deal with. I am always concerned for all that my friends on DS go through, and pray for you and everyone else by name all of the time. I don\'t know all that goes into God hearing and answering our prayers, but I do know the Lord is good and cares for us very, very much! I am glad you can come on DS and express what you can\'t express to anyone else. I think that\'s because we\'ve all been through so many of the same things! I can\'t even imagine the difficulty you have to face with trying to find a new doctor. It almost sounds like they are punishing you for standing up to the medical community by reporting a problem. I think that is shameful on their part! And you must be so disappointed and feeling rejected by the therapist!!!!! In my opinion, she sounds very insensitive!!!!! Even if she felt she wasn\'t the best fit for you, couldn\'t she have given it a few sessions to see if you guys meshed? Why when someone comes in to see her in such obvious emotional pain would she act like that??????? I have seen very good therapists, and very bad therapists, and the bad ones are almost as traumatic as the situation that sent me to them in the first place. I hope you can find someone who can truly hear and understand you, and help you work through your grief and loss.
Pouty, What screams out to me here is that it appears the therapist was either not qualified to handle the complexities of your issues or she was uninterested in doing so. As morebooks said, there are good and bad ones, and it is sad that we have to wade through the murky waters until a good one is found. I was so very fortunate to have found a good one on my first try, she also suffers from an immune illness so she has SOME understanding of what I face. I can\'t imagine if I had to go from one to another to another and expend all that precious energy. I can tell you that the therapist that my husband and I went to for couples counseling was awful and those sessions caused me horrific stress and made me so much worse.
Just take a breathe-er girl, let it go, you didn\'t do anything wrong and you had the misfortune to encounter a \"bad\" one. Rest up from it and start over when you\'re ready. We\'re here for you, we get it, it\'s not fair, and you have a loving, supportive group here to help you get through these really bad days.
Hugs galore,
Genie
At least we understand, and you don\'t owe her anything, move on and find someone else. It will be hard work but hopefully very worth it in the end.
I\'m so sorry you\'re having to go through this.
I\'m so sorry my dear sweet friend for not seeing your journal.I hate to hear of you suffering like this and trying so hard to find help, only to have doors closed in your face.I just had my new endocrinologist phone me personally and cancel my appointment with her.I was so positive about going and had been told she was the best and also quite new in town.I had my hopes up and starting imagining all kinds of positive outcomes as a result if this appointment.Then bang it was all smashed.She said that because my case history showed that I had already been extensively investigated, she felt there was nothing she could offer.I understand your despair and frustration being ill for so long and not getting any significant help.Also it\'s so common for doctors to suggest anti depressants and anti anxiety meds.I have tried antidepressants 3 times and didn\'t last more than a week, they made me incredibly sick. I took a low dose of xanax for insomnia many yrs ago and I started becoming antisocial and nutty.My husband said I was turning into a different personality and he wanted me back.I am not good with chemicals at all and they don\'t help my cfs, they just make it worse.Gotta go, Frank has put a movie on and he is impatient.Love to you my dear friend.I am here for you.Stronger in numbers hey.xoxoxo