Creation of the Monster
In reference to my problem that I still have to maintain contact with my abuser (sibling) because my ill mother lives with him someone replied " Your mom is going to have to endure the son that she raised. "
I didn't know what to think when I read this.."wow that's a little cold, no? Mom doesn't deserve to be mistreated in her illness."
That one sentence made me really sit back and think about it all. Growing up in a fairly strict (religion wise) home, my brother was doted on..his constant mood swings were tip toed around..when he was pissed off about ANYTHING (I.E his favorite sports team losing a game) He spoke to NO ONE for days to even weeks..brooding with his heavy presence..just a spoiled brat..but at the same time, my parents worked a lot being new to this country and I was home a lot with him..i don't even know how it started for except sleeping in the same bed as a very young child and some sort of inappropriateness happened. I remember (and while I remember quite a few things there is a substantial amount I simply do not for some reason..likely a coping mechanism, or how else could I live with this asshole till 28 years old). My parents catered to his bitchiness and mood swings and never went off on his ass..That shit would never fly with me nor would i ever allow my children to brood endlessly for no reason..But this type of shit perpetuated his shitty, controlling, arrogant behavior. This was the creation of the monster. We moved many times as a young child and I changed school districts every time..while he was driven out to his old school so he wouldn't be distrupted..
I don't blame my mother so much..Her father was abusive (physically not sexually) but it was severe. I am grateful she loved me to overcome what she endured too..God knows I don't blame her but does it favoritism hurt? Indeed. As a child I was always referred to as "lazy" or "only pretty not smart" while he was studious and responsible..(ironically turns out he never completed college and I graduated with a bachelors go figure..and he's never read a book since high school..NOT ONE. ignorance exemplified).
It makes me think..How are these monsters created? In my case I knew he was never inappropriate with anyone else or shockingly never worried about him abusing anyone else (including his children)..this might sound VERY strange but I know he hasn't..but a part of me feels the image to uphold of perfection..wtf is that?? I just don't get it..I was there..and an easy vulnerable, accessible target.
I didn't know what to think when I read this.."wow that's a little cold, no? Mom doesn't deserve to be mistreated in her illness."
That one sentence made me really sit back and think about it all. Growing up in a fairly strict (religion wise) home, my brother was doted on..his constant mood swings were tip toed around..when he was pissed off about ANYTHING (I.E his favorite sports team losing a game) He spoke to NO ONE for days to even weeks..brooding with his heavy presence..just a spoiled brat..but at the same time, my parents worked a lot being new to this country and I was home a lot with him..i don't even know how it started for except sleeping in the same bed as a very young child and some sort of inappropriateness happened. I remember (and while I remember quite a few things there is a substantial amount I simply do not for some reason..likely a coping mechanism, or how else could I live with this asshole till 28 years old). My parents catered to his bitchiness and mood swings and never went off on his ass..That shit would never fly with me nor would i ever allow my children to brood endlessly for no reason..But this type of shit perpetuated his shitty, controlling, arrogant behavior. This was the creation of the monster. We moved many times as a young child and I changed school districts every time..while he was driven out to his old school so he wouldn't be distrupted..
I don't blame my mother so much..Her father was abusive (physically not sexually) but it was severe. I am grateful she loved me to overcome what she endured too..God knows I don't blame her but does it favoritism hurt? Indeed. As a child I was always referred to as "lazy" or "only pretty not smart" while he was studious and responsible..(ironically turns out he never completed college and I graduated with a bachelors go figure..and he's never read a book since high school..NOT ONE. ignorance exemplified).
It makes me think..How are these monsters created? In my case I knew he was never inappropriate with anyone else or shockingly never worried about him abusing anyone else (including his children)..this might sound VERY strange but I know he hasn't..but a part of me feels the image to uphold of perfection..wtf is that?? I just don't get it..I was there..and an easy vulnerable, accessible target.
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