crazy week
Okay, so this week has been weird. On Monday, the kids were home for Fair Day. It was kinda boring, we didn't get to go because we're broke this week. Tuesday, I wake up at six in the morning, wide awake. I don't normally get up before noon. I drank a whole pot of coffee, and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. The kids got up and went to school. I surfed the interwebs, I caught up on some webzines I've been missing. On the way to pick up my daughter from school, I have a panic attack. I got home with her and took my Vistaril. Twenty minutes later, I'm calm enough to start supper. We went to the library after we ate. Yesterday, Wednesday, I had three panic attacks. I took all three doses of Vistaril, and was considering taking more. I didn't fall asleep til three this morning, and only slept til six, laying in bed for two hours. Today, I cleaned the kids' room, the kitchen, my room, my mom's room, and the living room. I have done ten loads of laundry...it didn't all need to be rewashed, but I felt they were dirty. I dusted shelves, and swept under beds. I feel caged right now, I wanna go running. I want to go fast.
I made my daughter cry tonight, and I feel justified. She didn't take care of her stuff properly, and I've warned her before that I would take things away. She has the uniforms for school and her bed. I have packed everything else up. Before she figured that out, she was complaining about what stuff didn't work, and what she wanted to replace. She was talking she wants this $1000 laptop for graduation because hers won't stay charged, and the frame around the screen is cracking. I did not tell her that it wasn't happening, but I was thinking, why the HELL would I buy a nicer one when you are the one that broke the frame, and keep it plugged in all the time, when I told you when we got it for you not to, it would ruin the battery? She has broken ANOTHER pair of earbuds, and this set wasn't even hers. I swear I bought a pair a week last month.
When she did figure out that all her stuff was gone, she cried like I had killed her pet something. Yeah, she feels like she is entitled to the belongings we bought her, and has no respect for any of it. I'm sick of it. I threw away an entire 3 bedroom apartment's worth of stuff, and had to deal, so can she.
I watched a clip from Cheers tonight, and a girl was explaining the opposite of love is apathy. I can't say that either emotion describe my feelings tonight.
My headboard is gone. He can't tie me down. I have a feeling I'm going to the hospital soon. I can't control it.
I made my daughter cry tonight, and I feel justified. She didn't take care of her stuff properly, and I've warned her before that I would take things away. She has the uniforms for school and her bed. I have packed everything else up. Before she figured that out, she was complaining about what stuff didn't work, and what she wanted to replace. She was talking she wants this $1000 laptop for graduation because hers won't stay charged, and the frame around the screen is cracking. I did not tell her that it wasn't happening, but I was thinking, why the HELL would I buy a nicer one when you are the one that broke the frame, and keep it plugged in all the time, when I told you when we got it for you not to, it would ruin the battery? She has broken ANOTHER pair of earbuds, and this set wasn't even hers. I swear I bought a pair a week last month.
When she did figure out that all her stuff was gone, she cried like I had killed her pet something. Yeah, she feels like she is entitled to the belongings we bought her, and has no respect for any of it. I'm sick of it. I threw away an entire 3 bedroom apartment's worth of stuff, and had to deal, so can she.
I watched a clip from Cheers tonight, and a girl was explaining the opposite of love is apathy. I can't say that either emotion describe my feelings tonight.
My headboard is gone. He can't tie me down. I have a feeling I'm going to the hospital soon. I can't control it.
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