crashing!

As I mentioned before, been having a few panic attacks here and there.  Enough to scare me as I thought I had things under control.  they seem to be more common and a little worse.  Just thinking  about something that scares me can set one off.  Paul was all mad the other night and says "I hope David doesn't go sneaking out tonight."  Bam.  Panic attack.  Going somewhere where I feel "stuck" and have to stay there for a while.  Bam.  Panic attack.  So I had been taking a Xanax here and there but functioning.  The stress at work is bad.  Maybe it is not worse than usual but I am not dealing with it well.
Don't know if it is something I ate or panic or what, but last night just felt really ill which then went into horrible stomach/intestinal cramps and the chills/shakes like I have never had them before.  I had 2 blankets on me and was almost convulsing.  Bundled up really good and went to bed and slept ok.  Not bad, not great.  Chills gone but still stomach cramps.  Trying to shove down some oatmeal this AM.
I got a new fire that is 3 hr drive late last week that I am going to on Wednesday.  I was kind of psyching myself up for that.  Boss says I can stay overnight.  I haven't stayed overnight since my stint in the hospital and with the situation now, don't think I want to try it.  Now I get another new one in York, another 2 hr 1 way drive.  And a very nasty phone call from a difficult customer (and 6 emails over the weekend from him) and I am having another panic attack. 
I started reading my book again over the weekend on dealing with panic attacks.  I feel so physically and mentally awful right now.  Maybe someone who has had panic attacks knows how I feel, like I am standing on the edge of a cliff, about to fall off.  Somehow this feels worse than before. 
gotta find my mojo again somehow.  I can't live like this.