crashing

cant stay long today. the other day i found a lady on facebook that ithought could help me piece or find out more about my childhood. well once again i was disappointed. she did know the women i wished to talk to but emailed me the next day and said the women hated my parents and wanted nothing to do with me. i am sick and tired of being put down rejected and hated because of who my parents are and for what they have done. i just wanted answers, i wanted a childhood memorie that was more than abuse. this just confurms what ED tells me daily. i am worthless, fat ugly, no good piece of crap that no one wants. i would never take my own life because of my kids but i do pray God would just take me to heaven very soon.  i so wanted to stay positive but life sucks and mine is crumbling fast.
i have been checking journals and sending hugs. i do care about all my friends and wish you all the best.