Crappy week

So this has proven to be a pretty miserable week.  Monday I went to the neurologist at the VA.  They said they don't think I have MS at that this is probably all psychological.  On the other hand, they are doing a bunch of blood tests and I am scheduled for an LP and another MRI.  I know this sounds morbid, but I hope something comes up on both of them so that I can get some answers and begin to deal with this and, also, stop questioning myself about whether this is all in my head.  They did put me on amantidine to help with my energy level and cognitive issues, but I'm still waiting for that to come in the mail from the VA prescription office.  The attending doc said he hadn't intended to give me anything before he came in the room, but I think he changed his mind when I started bawling and when he saw how bad both my right arm and leg had started shaking while the resident was out of the room.  I guess I'm happy they are doing something but I had hoped to get more answers and reassurance.  I spent most of the next day in bed because I just didn't want to get up and deal with the world.I've had several fights with my ex-husband this week.  My fiance and I are planning to move to Colorado next month after my brain MRI is completed.  My ex is fighting me about my daughter.  First I told him that she should be on the same visitation schedule that her older sister is on with her father.  That being she is with me except for summer break and either Christmas or Spring Break.  That flew about as well as a lead balloon.  The other thing I suggested was that she spend alternating months with each of us.  That should work out until she starts school in a little over a year.  The town I am moving to is 8 hours away so I don't think it is fair to her to have to do that drive more often than that.  He says he doesn't want to be away from her for a month at a time.  I asked for his suggestions and the only one that he had offered is that I just don't move.  The way I see it, that is not an option for me.  I've been out of work since February because I got fired when this all started and I've been trying to get this under control before trying to go back to nursing.  In the meantime, I've been working with my fiance to get his photography business back up and running.  My ex just keeps saying that since I am a nurse, I should be able to get a job anywhere and that I should have no problem getting one here in Albuquerque.  There are two things that make that difficult.  The first is that the medical community here has a famous but never acknowledged blackball system that I think is hitting me because of the practice I got fired from and the high profile involved in it.  The other is that while I am feeling like this, I don't think that I should ethically be doing nursing because I feel it invites too great a chance for mistakes on my part and that it would put my license at risk.  On the photography side, there is no market here for photography, but the market is pretty strong where we will be moving to and if I move, it will give me the chance to get away from the medical blackball if I should ever feel able to do nursing again.  Anyway, I'm deathly afraid that I might lose my daughter through all of this.  I think all of this is bringing on a strong case of my depression.  I've spent a lot of time in bed this week and a lot more time just wanting to go to bed.  Last night I went to bed at 5:30 PM and didn't get up until almost 1:00 PM this afternoon. 

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I really hope you feel better. Take each issue, and tackle them one at a time, it will help it seem less overwhelming. I know, easier said than done...but try. Happy Mothers Day. xoxo Jen