crankypants
"crankypants" is my favorite word for when i'm grumpy.
I take care of my 89 year-old grandmother who has dementia. Sometimes I feel resentful, cranky, or just plain frustrated. sometimes we have good times and I feel good about what I do. today I realized, after having had a break of two and a half days (for the first time in more than six months), that when I am caregiver I am not really myself. and that made me pretty sad. normally, I am a bubbly, happy, giggly person and I'm nice to everyone. but a lot of times at home I don't feel that way at all. there are a lot of things my grandmother can't do, or she can't remember where things are, so she asks me. instead of being as friendly as I might normally be, I just sort of do what she asks and don't say anything. I feel sometimes like I'm not living my own life, I'm living hers. maybe i'm just worn out?
one of the other things I find tough is that while I love my grandmother, in some ways dementia has made her a person I don't like very much. logically, I know it's not her fault, but honestly, does thinking about it that way really help? no. so it's hard to live with someone who is demanding, needs to know where you are and what you are doing at all times, etc.
i'm having a bad day, clearly. maybe tomorrow will be better. i hope! :)
I take care of my 89 year-old grandmother who has dementia. Sometimes I feel resentful, cranky, or just plain frustrated. sometimes we have good times and I feel good about what I do. today I realized, after having had a break of two and a half days (for the first time in more than six months), that when I am caregiver I am not really myself. and that made me pretty sad. normally, I am a bubbly, happy, giggly person and I'm nice to everyone. but a lot of times at home I don't feel that way at all. there are a lot of things my grandmother can't do, or she can't remember where things are, so she asks me. instead of being as friendly as I might normally be, I just sort of do what she asks and don't say anything. I feel sometimes like I'm not living my own life, I'm living hers. maybe i'm just worn out?
one of the other things I find tough is that while I love my grandmother, in some ways dementia has made her a person I don't like very much. logically, I know it's not her fault, but honestly, does thinking about it that way really help? no. so it's hard to live with someone who is demanding, needs to know where you are and what you are doing at all times, etc.
i'm having a bad day, clearly. maybe tomorrow will be better. i hope! :)
Replies
Know that you are not alone in the way you feel. We have been dealt a crappy hand but we play it out anyway. These illnesses test our love for family. Its not forever. You are young.Better times will come for you and you will be able to enjoy them that much more because you will have experienced these times . You cant experience joy if you haven\'t experienced pain.Take care. John