Crash

Wow, it hit me hard this evening. Not totally unexpected, but I’m surprised by the intensity and suddenness of it. I thought I was experiencing an extreme mood swing, but I just read someone’s post in a discussion, and she mentioned the term “crash.” This describes it perfectly. I had been doing better than I expected for the past week or so. I have been able to get a few things taken care of, and have been able to share some laughs. But it was like reality tapped my shoulder this evening, and said “Hey you big dummy, don’t forget what you are, or your place.” I find it odd to type that last part, about my place. Right at this moment I feel like I don’t have a place. Maybe I have lost my way a bit, or else I am in transition. I do know it is a scary feeling. Looking back over my life before I met Melissa, I can remember lots of times that I have had this scary feeling. It usually happened during difficult situations, when I felt like I had no control. The good thing is that I usually learned a great deal about something during these times, and grew as a person. I’m hoping to God that this will be the case now. I’ve got to stay positive and fight through this.
 
 
 
The following is a semi-related note to myself, something I may want to journal about later and don’t want to forget: Just be. Don’t worry about anything else at this moment. Just be.