Court Ordered Class for all Divorces with a Minor Child....

Ok so I have been an AWESOME parent for 25 years. I have raised 3 Loving, Caring, Respectful, Hardworking, Responisble Children. Always had really good grades lots of friends and a sense of humor. So why do I need to go through a Parenting Class. Not to mention i'm a teacher and have helped raise other people's children for over 17 years now. If anyone DOES NOT need a Parenting class it's ME!!!! So I had to miss most of my work day. Less money in my check great that's all I need right. So I woke up at 5:00 am so I could get Austin ready myself ready drop him off at camp and get all the way downtown by 8:30.
There I was with all the other people in the class all holding there Superior Court Clerk papers showing we paid for the class and had to sign the book. We were also told we had to stay for the entire class 4 and a half hours long in order to get our certificate to show that we went. Everyone looked so pissed off and no one wanted to be there. Rolling the eyes huffing really load texting on their phones I mean everyone was complaining about missing work and saying things like, "This is crap why do we have to be here"? One lady said" This should be for people who fight all the time I mean my ex and I get along great and NEVER DISAGREE ON ANYTHING" So me being a true a SMART ASS SAID " OH REALLY, THAT'S GREAT ONE QUESTION THOUGH IF YOU AND YOUR EX ARE SO WONDERFUL AND YOU AGREE ON EVERYTHING AND NEVER FIGHT THAN WHY ARE YOU GETTING A DIVORCE?" She took her purse and moved to the other side. "Gosh I hope it wasn't something I said"
So about 15 minutes into the class they started showing video of children of Divorce and they all spoke so openly and freely about how it makes them feel. I mean I have been so wrapped up in MY PAIN I THINK SOMETIMES I FORGOT ABOUT AUSTIN'S PAIN. I just started crying in the class because one of the kids even looked like Austin. He was saying that even though he would say he was "FINE" he wasn't but he didn't want to see his mommy cry anymore. So he only told her what he thought she wanted to hear. I have NEVER said anything bad about my EX in front of Austin but I know I have rolled my eyes or said under my breath "who cares what dad thinks or does" I learned that we have to remember that our kids are a part of MOM AND DAD so if one parent is saying something bad about the other to the child or in front of that child the child is thinking "Well i'm part of my dad to so does mom feel that way about me too"?
I learned that kids also feel so protective of both parents that if one parent drills the child such as " What  did you do at dad's, where did you go, who was dad with? This makes the child feel like they have to LIE in order to protect dad and not make mom upset. I have to admit I do this all the time because I don't trust that my EX is making smart choices or putting Austin's needs before his own. Like what happened this weekend when his dad took him to a party at a strange woman's house where the adults were drinking and they had to spend the night. UNEXCEPTABLE!!! I learned though that instead of drilling I should just say I missed you and i'm glad your home and let Austin come to me and tell me what he did when he was ready. The good thing is though Austin is almost 11 so he is old enough to have a voice and he did tell me he felt unsafe there and he couldn't sleep and he wanted to come home, but he didn't want to make his dad feel bad.
At the start of this journal I said how bothered and upset I was that I had to miss work to go to this class today. I wish I could take it again, I wish all parents had to take this class before they get married and start their families. I know I have done alot of things right but I also know I have done some things wrong too. I can't change the past we know that by now but I can make better choices for my future and Austin's. I'm not going to let the stupid things his dad does anymore make me upset. I'm not going to roll my eyes or drill him anymore when he comes back from his dad's anymore either. I am my son's role model for the adult he will one day be. Even though it's so hard being both parent's most of the time and I don't have money and a whole lot of time to do much with him the time I do spend with him is "QUALITY TIME" and I make it count. I AM SO GLAD I WENT TODAY IT WAS WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THE HOURS I LOST AT WORK. BESIDES MY SON IS WORTH IT!!!!!!!!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

LOL. This is a great story Disneymom. It shows so well why the Legislature, though the Court system, forces all the \"haters\" to attend this class. Hardly anyone would have gone if it was voluntary, but afterward you seem quite glad you were forced to attend. :)

Best wishes! Hope you\'re doing ok.
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi

dis, this Journal is wonderful and enlightening! Consider making it a Discussion Topic -- it would be extremely helpful to others who are going to have to do this!
Hugs to you!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I agree. I am so glad you got something out of it. The sad things is most of the parents that were in the same class as you. They heard, watched the same material as you. the sad thing is; They will not learn from it. They will close their minds to it. They will disreguard everything that they heard. And will have learned NOTHING!. And I that makes me sad for the kids.


But, like you I did not realize what I was saying or doing was hurting them. Until I took the class and now if I have a ugly word to say about my ex. It is never in front of them.
My kids are old enough to see what happen and what is going on now, they are not stupid and don\'t need me reminding them that their dad is an ass. It only make then feel worse.....

So yes please make this a Discussion Topic.

Hugs
maggieb1958
maggieb1958

Thanks for the reminder. Even though my kids are older, I try really hard not to be negative about the stbx. He will hang himself. I don\'t need to do it.
:) Maggie