court
Last Friday we went to court for the pretrial. They discussed evidence and then of course post poned it for June 13. How can I make it until June 13? My husband and his sister stood up and he was in a suit with a fresh haircut and looked like a movie star. He is so handsome although it's very ugly to me too in a way, I appreciate what others are seeing, but I see him for what he really is. They all talked with the judge but as I sat in the back nearest the exit I could hardly hear, so when all was over, I waited for the DA and she was glad I came and stayed to talk to her. His defense is this: 1. If my daughter truly was molested than it was by his 8 year old autistic son who slept with my daughter when he came for visitation. (not true, he had his own bed) My autisitic step son would have been 6 when this started or perhaps even 5 years old and would anybody think that my daughter wouldn't know the difference between an innocent child who is so sweet and so loving and so easily told what to do, (unless in a fit) and that of a 38 year old man? And on 10 different occassions or more? Not to mention the fact that my husband is actually serving up his own son in order to save himself! Defense 2. I wanted a divorce and I've concocted this plan and manipulated my daughter into this lie and wove this evil web to gain .....something? Not sure what I am getting from this besides two well after court make that 3 nervous breakdowns, practically bankrupt now that I can't hardly work, take off so much time to go to therapy, appts., wear and tear on the car, heavy duty meds now too, and suicidal tendencies enough where my daughters therapsit told me she'd turn me in if I didn't get back in to therapy and I could lose all my kids., I've lost my beautiful home that I paid to redecorate as I now live at mom and dad's and most of the time sleep on a floor. Oh and of course the one that beats all, my daughter wants to move to her dad's house in louisiana to try and start over. Let's not forget that I've actually lost two of my kids since my son wants to go with her and forget this and not have to live with a mom who cries all the time and stays hidden in the upstairs den and does nothing but come on daily strength. As I sit and you sit and read this you may think there is no jury alive who would buy any of his lies right? Wrong. Apparently the DA says that there are jurors who don't want to believe thse things happen so much to the point where they will vote "not guilty" in order for them to continue on with their lives. So here we are. My step daughters still have not come forward to admit to what he's done to them so it falls on us and in California the DA says, without more than one victim, it's not good. I broke down this weekend again. I think Jon is counting on me going crazy and not making it through this so my daughter will end up not being able to testify against him either. I'm doing this to stop him. I'm doing this to protect another child or children from him. I have to remember. To my friends, remind me of that when I'm down. Remind me of why I'm walking in Hell.
Replies
I am so sorry for what your going through. It is so sad what this man is doing and that he is allowed to continue to harm you and your family.
I am here if you need to talk my friend!! With love!!
Oh mother duck I am so sorry you are having such a rough ride, how low can one man sink, to blame his disabled son, its truly the pits.
It sounds like he will try every trick in the book to wangle his way out of trouble and trying to say you made it up cause you wanted a divorce from him. He is sick.
Please know that I am with you and lend you my hand to hold. I truly hope that you find a way through all of this and stay strong, you are an amazing woman and mother.
love and hugs jen xx
I have more faith in the Jury system - contrary to what we see in a few RARE highly publicized cases, the juries DO get it right in the overwhelming number of cases...unless your husband\'s name happens to be Orenthal J. Simpson with million-dollar defense lawyers. I tend to believe that when the DA told you what he did, he was merely preparing you for the POSSIBILITY that your husband might get off, not necessarily the LIKELYHOOD. Prosecutors have a great deal of discretion over what cases they prosecute and they get rated on the percentage they win, so he wouldn\'t be prosecuting this case at all if he didn\'t think there was a reasonable chance of winning.
I agree that defense point #2 - that this is a divorce tactic - may be a challenge, but this CAN be overcome. I\'m sure the DA has already considered this, but make sure it is understood that you discovered the abuse BEFORE you thought of divorce.
My best advice is: Trust the prosecutor, and trust the jury. When you get on the stand, answer the questions briefly and succinctly - don\'t volunteer information and don\'t elaborate beyond the specific context of the question (unless the prosecutor says something like \"please elaborate\") but don\'t hold back either. And remember that you\'re trying to convince the JURY, not the defense team.
BODY LANGUAGE is important, especially eye contact. Ignore what you\'ve heard on TV about \"always talk to the jury\" and follow these guidelines:
- When the prosecutor is asking the question, make eye contact with him the entire time he\'s asking the question AND while you\'re answering it. (unless, of course, he specifically says something like, \"please direct your answer to the jury\")
- When the defense lawyer is asking the question, look towards him but past him - only make eye contact with him while you\'re answering. Keep your answers brief but not evasive. If he asks you to \"elaborate\", look to the judge and take the judge\'s cue. Anytime the defense is getting \"out of bounds\", look to the judge for guidance.
- When you DO look at the jury, maintain eye contact, don\'t dart your eyes away \"furtively\", and try to establish eye contact with every member of the jury at least once. If you \"sense\" that a particular juror is looking at you, look back but don\'t stare.
- If, during the \"prep\" the prosecutor tells you something that conflicts with what I\'ve said above, trust HIM rather than me. He\'ll know that particular judge and jury better than I do. Consider what I\'ve said ONLY in the absence of anything the prosecutor has said to the contrary.
motherduck, I wish that my mother had had half your strength and courage, maybe then she could have believed in me enough and loved me enough to protect me. I wish I could be there with you in person to hold your hand - but please know that for all of us that have/had weak mothers, you are a blessing. ((hugs))
Wow, reading your post leaves me with the feeling that you are in such great pain. I hurt for you. It\'s terrible that he betrayed and your family. I believe that you should try to remember that you are fighting for your kids. Even if you lose, they are worth fighting for. When the children heal from this trauma they will remembered that you fought for them. That is noble.
Secondly, this may your first time dealing with the courts but it\'s not their first time dealing with animals like your x. They see through the movie star. Trust them.
Thirdly, we all reap what we sow. That means your x will face very painful consequences, trust in that.
Don\'t give up. Love your children, hold them, hear them, give them hope and courage. After this is all done they will remember.
Your kids are worth this fight!
Ducks are and always have been my favorite animal. They are, for the most part, the most loyal, loving and devoted creatures on this earth. Forget everything you know about penguins. When a duck finds a mate they go everywhere together and love each other almost unconditionally. There are a few bad ducks and that\'s what leads to mother duck and father duck break ups. But the mother duck will never leave her babies. She will lead them, groom them, love them and protect them until they are ready to start their own lives. That\'s why I love them. I have collected rubber ducks since I was young...and it\'s one of the few possessions I have managed to keep through foster care. No one else has ever seen their value and wanted them enough to take them. I have always wanted a mother duck like that and just couldn\'t help but to cling to that.
Allow me to be cliche and say that my heart breaks & bleeds for you. I know that you & I are not close, but I do read your posts and the majority of your replies. I think that you are an extremely intelligent and loving person and I feel that you have a spot in my heart simply based on that. Reading your story has made me feel even closer. I wish that I had a mother like you. One that was so loving, and so devoted to her children that she would be willing to put herself in front of a blazing train to make sure that no more pain would come to them. One that was so strong ans courageous that she took the steps that you took. That alone, no matter your other life accomplishments, makes you a brilliant hero.
I can not fathom how your heart feels knowing that your daughter is feeling that she should leave. All I can say is that I think that when she is older she will look back on this and her heart will swell with pride for how much her mother cared for her. I would die a thousand deaths to feel that kind of love from my mother. From anyone. Everyone needs someone in their lives that is willing to fight for them.
I have nothing to say about your soon to be ex other than I can not imagine the feelings you are having because of and towards him and it is not going to do you any good if I tear him apart, no matter how badly I want to.
You are fighting a great and honorable fight. I am so proud of you for going through with all of this. If I could, if I were closer--I would honestly be there for you and hold your hand until June 13th. Everyone needs a crutch sometimes, and I know I, and I have a feeling that you, wait until the last minute to ask for it. I love feeling strong and independent. I fight my own battles until both of my legs are broken. You don\'t need to do that...if you are.
I can not tell you how much I want to let you know that I think you are amazing and I truly wish there were more women...more mothers...more people in the world like you. More people that were willing to fight for not only the children who have already been violated...but for the precious lives of those who haven\'t. You are so right in not wanting to give him the opportunity to do this again. I feel in my heart of hears that once you perpetrate this crime there is no one in the whole wide world that you deserve trust from. Including a jury of your peers.
Your children need you and I know you need someone, too. I am right here. I don\'t know how much help I can be to you...but even if it\'s just a hug or some words of encouragement please feel that you can count on me. I will be here for you. You are a brave, beautiful woman and an excellent example of a mother duck.
you are going through so much motherduck
you have my restpect and support always
i am so sorry that you and your children have to go through this.you have stood up and are fighting for justice for your child you are an amazing woman................
My father tells people that nothing happened that my mom has put \"these ideas\" in my head, because she wanted a divorce. These jerks will say and do almost anything not to accept and admit what they did. My mom never once put any ideas in my head. I told when I was 14 and since then she too has gone through so much, none of which she\'d have wished for just so she could get a divorce.
I\'m so sorry for everything you and your daughter are going through. My heart goes out to you all. I admire you so much for sticking by your daughter, believing, and being there for her. I told when I was 14 and as soon as my mom found out from the police, she left my father that moment and never looked back. I can\'t begin to tell you how much that meant and continues to mean to me. She has and continues to stick by my side. I\'m very lucky and so is your daughter. I can only imagine how difficult this has to be for you. Don\'t give up. Keep taking things one moment at a time!