Courts

So i have explored US court today.. My hands were shivering when i took the Victim stand.. So much confusion in my mind.. Felt like Adrenaline pumping crazy... It was like me going to a School on a first day when i was a child.
I was in the court as early as 7:30... I couldnt sleep all last night. Took two herbal sleeping pills and tried sleeping. Woke up at 6:00 and got ready to court. Followed exact instructions of where to park and what not.  I entered the court building and was facsinated by the red granite on the walls :-) Stupid me ... Weird thoughts of Jeez what am i doing here and before my mind could go crazy found a spot on bench and started reading a  book Susan foreward -When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal.
Even though my mind kept wandering i tried focusing on reading. Suddenly 10 minutes to 8 when door opens i glance at him looking at me. He looked away and i was like jeez this is hell... before my CODEPENDENT CHILD WENT CRAZY i dug myself back into the book. Kept smiling on certain  stories that book said... We were called in and after security went upstairs to 3rd floor... I was so confused where what was.
I let the lady there know my name and found a spot and dug myself into book... I could barely concentrate... So i started talking to the lady beside me, Apparently she was there bcoz her ex violated PFA... I wrote note to myself on Phone - This is not a fight against anybody this is a fight against you yourself. You need to be strong and continue to stand for yourself. After feeling that way i relaxed meditated.
A lady stopped by asking about details and if i would like to speak to him and i said no without even waiting and asked for 3 year PFA and also psychological evaluation and drug evaluation and Battered program... She went to the other party and asked what they wanted to do they said apparently their witness werent available therefore they want to continue this case. I was like which witnesses were they talking about for a PFA.
Anyways back to reality my protective services lady was there and i had some sort of assurance. she tried to move this quick. We all went in and waited in the court. The lady whom i spoke to her Ex was cuffed in chains it scared me ... I was like how many people must be talking truth in this court. 
When they called my name i almost freaked out.. My mind was talking so fast i could barely make sense to what it was talking. I took the stand. The Judge saw me and gave this look ( may be i am assuming ) usually Indians are not seen much in court and me with an African must be a surprise. Anyways back to reality he asked if i was okay with continuing and i said yes and they asked me if i was okay with no contact i said yes you honor and left it there.
He granted new date. The only reason i continued was for the fact that my Temporary order is in place and as long as he does no contact i am fine. And the protective services lady felt the same too rather than having case dismissed ( worse case scenario). Anyways struggled thru the day1 in court. I must say the amount of feelings thoughts and Adrenaline was good enough to prove i am a codependent but what is best is I am a Recovering Codependent and i am learning and starting to love it.