couples..
Oh dear, I was up and at a meeting this morning then went to lunch with some COUPLES. I got such a surge of emotions that I almost went mad.. I left with polite words and a smile but inside I felt bereft. I came home and visualised myself being swept down a river to a cold, murky sea while my loved ones were taken out and were left standing along the shore of the river. The river just carried me onward and onward to the icy depths of aloneness. In my visualization I finally became unconsious and was washed up along an sunny beach. I heard people comng through the woods to find me and help me, offering me dry clothes and tea. I was bewildered.
Call it a sense of high drama or too much Mexican food, but the feelings were awful. I felt so alone. I have friends, family, neighhbors, work associates who are friendly. I have a warm house, but part of me cannot be at rest. They say I have to let go of J. and I have tried to but I want him so. I want to feel what I used to feel: loved, important, cared for.
I look out the window at the beautiful maple and remember a weekend with him here at home last yaer. I was listening to internet radio from Newfoundland and he wa enameling. I was cooking soup or something in the kitchen and fooling around with some needlework. I looked up and realized that everything was perfect in my world. I was perfectly happy. I am so glad I had those days of complete happiness. I am gladder still that I realized how wonderful they were. I will never again know such joy in this world.
I pray to be back in my darling's arms some day. I feel that I can soldier along pretty well with that assurance, but it is so hard. I wonder why God makes us to want a person physically, mentally and spiritually and allows to have that person and then allows the bond to be broken. It is so hard. Is the bond broken?
I can only hope to see him again, hope that It won't be too long and try to be useful and reasonably happy until then.
I am grateful for:
a conservncy picnic and a sacred harp singing tomorrow
a friend to go with
a truck
my dear dogs and cats
my sister brought me iris tubers and a crysanthemum
My sister
meetings
DS; I was off line for a week and I missed everyone so
work, it takes me out of myself
fall
oatmeal cookies
Call it a sense of high drama or too much Mexican food, but the feelings were awful. I felt so alone. I have friends, family, neighhbors, work associates who are friendly. I have a warm house, but part of me cannot be at rest. They say I have to let go of J. and I have tried to but I want him so. I want to feel what I used to feel: loved, important, cared for.
I look out the window at the beautiful maple and remember a weekend with him here at home last yaer. I was listening to internet radio from Newfoundland and he wa enameling. I was cooking soup or something in the kitchen and fooling around with some needlework. I looked up and realized that everything was perfect in my world. I was perfectly happy. I am so glad I had those days of complete happiness. I am gladder still that I realized how wonderful they were. I will never again know such joy in this world.
I pray to be back in my darling's arms some day. I feel that I can soldier along pretty well with that assurance, but it is so hard. I wonder why God makes us to want a person physically, mentally and spiritually and allows to have that person and then allows the bond to be broken. It is so hard. Is the bond broken?
I can only hope to see him again, hope that It won't be too long and try to be useful and reasonably happy until then.
I am grateful for:
a conservncy picnic and a sacred harp singing tomorrow
a friend to go with
a truck
my dear dogs and cats
my sister brought me iris tubers and a crysanthemum
My sister
meetings
DS; I was off line for a week and I missed everyone so
work, it takes me out of myself
fall
oatmeal cookies
Replies
Not getting e-mails about friends\' journal entries - so just checking.
Believe me, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! Autumn is a melancholy season after the leaves fall. It gets dark so early, and we miss those days with our dear hubby in the room - or at least, in the house. We do have to be very thankful for our blessings - and you always are. This is a good thing! Take care, and keep on keeping on! We will make it!
Hugs - Doye