Counselor

Once again, don't expect anyone to read this lengthy entry.  It's mostly an update that I copy and paste other places - here and there.  It just ended up here first, I guess.
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Went to church yesterday.  It's true.  I just walked into my class like it was mine.  It was.  The guy that taught it last week wasn't supposed to be in there.  He was supposed to be with the class a year older.
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I decided that if I felt well enough I was going and people were going to have to try harder to get me to leave.  haha  One friend had e-mailed a couple days before and said she hadn't realized how long it had been since she last saw me and wondered what was wrong.  At least somebody noticed.
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After my drastic hair cut I had lots of people tell me how much they liked my hair.  My favorite was the older gentleman who works in the library.  When I went to get chalk and bibles he said, "Have you been to the hair dresser?"  I said, "yes."  He said, "You sure look nice."  This is a guy who smiles but never really says anything.  That made my day!
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It was fun to talk to my students again.  Except I have one girl who goes on and on about hot boys.  This boy is hot, and that boy, etc. etc.  I've never had a kid that just goes on and on and doesn't stop.  I've had kids say random things, I've had kids talk a lot, and I've had kids that didn't want to be there, but this girl is boy crazy and that is all she wants to talk about.  She'll tell the entire class, and then if I tell her to stop talking she just starts in talking to the person next to her about clothes, cell phones, Twilight movie stuff, how good she is at driving while texting...   Bizarre!
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Went to the counselor today.  She is an older woman with gray hair.  Love it!  She said she sees a lot of people with chronic fatigue related issues (not necessarily syndrome, but a symptom of other problems).  At one point she said, "What have you been doing to take the place of not being able to work on a Ph.D.?"  I just looked at her.  Great question. 
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All I could say was that I write and pack home about 5 or 6 books from the library every other week.  She said, "What I've learned from you is that you really want to help people and you are frustrated."
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She actually picked up on that through all my rambling??!!  Good for her.
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She actually talked about helping me with a plan to do what I can to help other people without a counseling degree.   I'll write about it when I have done some of the homework I need to do.
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I don't know if it will work out, but it is so nice to have some hope.  A sense of purpose. 
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I still haven't given up on my book.  I hear so much of what I've written from people on this site.  They will say something and I'll think about how that is something that I wrote about in my book.  Maybe what I've written really can resonate with people.  Maybe it really can help people feel like they are not alone.  Maybe.  Maybe.  Maybe.
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A lot of the time all we need is a little bit of "maybe".
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I am sleeping better.  Thank heavens.  I still can't figure out what I did or didn't do and what I am or am not doing.  That seems to be the nature of this beast.  I still feel very tired and have to lie down when I'd rather be doing something.
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We finally have had a few beautiful days and I think the sunshine has really helped my mood.  The counselor also said that Vitamin D has turned out to be a problem for many of her patients and wondered if I had had mine checked.  That is the only thing my blood work showed that wasn't normal.  Hopefully my new 50,000 unit pill will work some magic. 
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My son broke the school record in the 400 meters last week.  One former track coach told him his time was phenomenal.  He didn't just break the record, as Reed says, "I smashed it."  haha  He was very pleased.
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My daughter that applied to law school has been accepted at two schools and is on the waiting list for the school she would really like to go to.
***My daughter that is a senior is still waiting to hear on scholarships.  She still has stomach issues.  Her blood work was normal.  We are trying a fiber regimen to see if that will help before doing more tests.  I can't believe she graduates in 6 weeks.  My baby girl!  Where did the time go?
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One of my other daughters has a dance concert this weekend at college but I can't go because my husband will be out of town and my two youngest have track meets and my son has basketball games this weekend.  Fortunately, her oldest sister is going to travel a few hours from where she lives to go over and watch her perform. 
***So, you see, some things do work out little by little.  In the midst of darkness it seems that all is lost.  There are rays of hope waiting but they are in their own time dimension.
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carry on