Counseling
Today was the first day of IC in at least a year and it couldn't have come at a better time. H was away on business, pretty down last week and parts of this week, as with some others on the board I'm starting to think that I won't fully heal until H changes his job which would be a complete field change. (another topic)
As much as I was looking forward to today I was also dreading it because I didn't want to rehash my story. My story goes deeper than the A's and my H's betrayal but I hold that for another day.
What bothers me about rehashing is that I feel like therapist is thinking why the hell is she with her H and that any person in their right mind would never have stuck it out. She didn't say that and if anything she asked me why I worry about what others think so much. I left in a good place. These thoughts just came up.
I talked to H about it and realized that I am doing what she says worrying about what someone else is thinking about me. She doesn't know what my H has done since D-Day and she doesn't know what he was going through at the time of A's. There is no excuse but I understand the desperation and mental breakdown he was having. I was there and can understand everything he says I just can't justify it because I was going through my own hell. TG he's not looking for that.
Long story short, I'm glad it's over and looking forward to next week. It was a good move.
As much as I was looking forward to today I was also dreading it because I didn't want to rehash my story. My story goes deeper than the A's and my H's betrayal but I hold that for another day.
What bothers me about rehashing is that I feel like therapist is thinking why the hell is she with her H and that any person in their right mind would never have stuck it out. She didn't say that and if anything she asked me why I worry about what others think so much. I left in a good place. These thoughts just came up.
I talked to H about it and realized that I am doing what she says worrying about what someone else is thinking about me. She doesn't know what my H has done since D-Day and she doesn't know what he was going through at the time of A's. There is no excuse but I understand the desperation and mental breakdown he was having. I was there and can understand everything he says I just can't justify it because I was going through my own hell. TG he's not looking for that.
Long story short, I'm glad it's over and looking forward to next week. It was a good move.
Replies
((cecbpc ))
One thing I\'ve come to learn over the past 18 months is that we all stay or leave for our own reasons. And not one of us has a story completely identical to anyone else\'s. So please don\'t beat yourself up about your choices - they are yours to make!
Thanks lisalisa. Your right and you know what I\'m glad that the decision is mine to make. You hear so often that the CS leaves and the choice is already made for the BS.
I think it\'s just ironic that in almost every aspect of my life I worry about what other people think except for when people cross me. Ever since the A I don\'t put up with anyone\'s crap. It seems like I take all of my anger out on anyone that crosses me or my kids. Look at salesperson at store that doesn\'t accept my coupon. I guess I don\'t care about what everyone thinks.
And you shouldn\'t care. Lisa\'s right-EVERYONE\'S story and history is different. You\'ve gotta do what makes sense to you and your family. Trust me-LOTS of people don\'t agree with my choices. Take my next door neighbor for instance. Since D-Day, he\'s told me EXACTLY what he thinks of me and what would\'ve happened if he were Dave. So What!!! Thank God Dave\'s not HIM.
I agree with lisa...the choice is only ours and we are here to support you.
Hugs
You guys are right, sometimes its hard to remember when your not up. Thanks for your support.