Could be worse...
...the most comforting statement. I am fighting self-pity, to live with perspective. Here is me - walking, thinking, talking, loving, enjoying...I CAN do these things. I am truly blessed.But, I feel like I am clenching onto that perspective with bright white knuckles, as if that perspective keeps my heart beating. I cannot lose it. I have to protect those bright spots like vulnerable, fragile baby birds - keep them warm in their nest; hover over them, so they are not scooped up by hungry hawks.I keep the truth in that nest. The truth that only I know, because only I know MYSELF that well. The truth that is questioned and invalidated by others, just because they themselves don't want it to be. They don't realize the selfishness of their denial, I mean, "comfort." I HAVE to face the truth. Denial works for them; it hurts me. It's like catching someone in a lie - "Like I actually believe THAT."Living in "sick world" is like living on another planet sometimes. It's like trying to communicate on the other side of sound-proof glass.Please forgive the melodrama here. But, that 's me today. I got bad news. I am still in shock. This is how I try to make sense of things. Thank you all for your interest. This place makes me feel better.Much love.
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