Coping, but barely
I am finally coming out of my zombie state. Still feeling devastated of course, but at least today I haven't cried as much and I'm feeling a little more human. I stayed home from work, just can't go back yet. I feel so raw still and unready to go back into the world where I was pregnant, if that makes sense. I'm struggling so much with the idea that I may never be a Mother. My mind is all over the place right now, but I'm starting to reconsider our options. For now, I need to heal and accept that I probably can't have my own biological children before making any decisions. Life feels so incredibly empty right now and the thought of never having anyone call me Mommy pains me so much. It will be interesting to meet with my RE and hear what he thinks our next steps should be.....depending on what the lab finds from the D&C, he already told me the upside is that they got me pregnant with my own eggs so we should probably keep trying that route. Unfortunately, we are out of insurance money and can't do it out of pocket, not to mention the fact I can't help but wonder even if we did do one more round of IVF, given the fact that I just turned 44, what's to say even if I got a BFP I could actually have a live birth when that statistic is only 5% at my age?! Sorta feels like I'd be setting myself up for another m/c and I don't want to think negative, but come on, right!? Right now, I'm employing the "one day at a time" tactic and just feeling grateful that I managed to get out of bed this morning.
Thanks for all the love and support, I know I sound like a broken record but its truly been life saving to have you all in my corner right now. Love to all xoxoxo
Thanks for all the love and support, I know I sound like a broken record but its truly been life saving to have you all in my corner right now. Love to all xoxoxo
Replies
Your one day at a time mantra is my mantra too. I am here for you.
I think you were right to take today off of work. Give yourself all the time you need. 3000 healing hugs are heading your way from me.
Take all the time you need. And mourn your loss in any way you need. I like your one day at a time thing. After my mc I was almost down to one hour at a time for awhile. Sending you lots of hugs and love! XOXO
I agree take as much time as you need and allow yourself to grieve. I\'m so sorry this happened. The best advice I ever got was from my sister, she said it takes time, but it will get easier.
It\'s very good to hear from you. I\'m very glad you stayed home from work today so you can still heal. It\'s going to take a long time to really feel better. I\'m exciting to hear what your RE says about the next step, and I think if you\'re having to pay out of pocket I\'m curious what he feels the best live birth rate chances are for you. Sending you lots of love! xoxo
I think the one day at a time route is perfect! That\'s all you can do and then one day it will get a little easier and then a little easier again! I totally support staying home from work, I did the same. You need to heal your mind, body and soul! Sending big hugs!!! xo
No broken record, it is what it is pain that you need to work through. I teach and didn\'t do and D&C (we opted for a natural miscarriage) - I think I took half the week off. And wish I could\'ve taken more. As others have said take all the time you need - we each process this loss differently so we need to listen to our emotions. As Hopefully says - it does get easier, but it takes time. Mine was in April and even still in july/aug if someone mentioned it or the RE said I\'m sorry I would have to hold back the tears. It seemed like a cruel joke.
Rest your body and rest your soul. Many hugs.
Glad you are feeling a little better but sorry you are feeling so sad and have to make some tough decisions. One day at a time really is all we can handle. I\'m in AA and that\'s like our motto, lol. Maybe your RE will have some good advice/plans for you at your next visit. I am praying for you and I think of you often. xoxo
I\'m glad you stayed home today. You deserve to take all the time you need to slowly get back into the world. Thinking about you!
Please let yourself grieve and dont rush out of it (grief will come back later if your heart doesnt get to mend in its own time). Once you do go back to work, maybe plan a 15 minute break time to hide in the bathroom and honor your grief, or schedule yourself some down time when you get home from work. Every journey is different but like you, I wasnt ready to give up once they told me I wasnt going to be able to have biological children. No baby is ever gonna look like me or have my mom\'s kindness and dad\'s sense of humor. That said, there are many paths to a fulfilling life, I am sure in time your future will become more clear and happiness will return. Be kind to yourself xx
It sounds like you\'re exactly where you should be right now. You\'ve got a good head on your shoulders, and you\'ll get there. One day at a time.
Take all the time you need. It really is hard to get through the day. My re gave me a week of sick leave after my last D&C.
Hoping you find a way to smile tomorrow even if it\'s just a little.
Big hugs of support.
I can only repeat what the other ladies have said, take your time to heal
Thinking of you...I hope with each passing day they get a little brighter for you. Xoxo
It\'s amazing how identically we all feel during/after these experiences. You are putting all of my thoughts into words from April. I am so glad you are taking some time for yourself- I didn\'t and it probably took me longer to come back to life.