Coping...
Trying desperately to accept the fact that my brother, the very little family i have left, does not want anything to do with me. I have lived with this for 6 years ever since my sister passed away. I have been hoping that him and my sister in law would come around eventually but they haven't. I tried to reach out many times and got my hand slapped over and over. I thought i had finally let this go, but i haven't. i think i have been living on false hope.I often wonder what could i have done that was so bad that it warrants never talking to me again? I have my ideas of what things they could be angry with, none of which are anything that was of my control and i harbor no guilt within me and i know i have done nothing to them and am at peace with myself fully that i took no responsibility for their blame in whatever it is. My nephew (my brothers son) got married this past weekend. It felt like a stab in the heart when i found out...and i wasn't invited. the one final blow to exclude me from the family...it hurt beyond words...each day i think i'm getting a little better but then i get set back when i see the slew of pictures my niece posts every day of the wedding and what a great time they all had, or a post from my sister in law stating how important everyone was to them at the wedding...and then i feel like i have gone two steps back again. i hide the pictures from my timeline, but new ones appear again. i don't want to look...but yet i do... and the pain feels deep.i realized a couple of days ago that this is just another lesson in my journey...the pain, the reminders, the constant presence of this fact thrown in my face for a reason... the reason to face what really is... to accept what is for once and stop carrying this heavy load behind me wherever i go. i know this...and it is hard to let go... over the years i would ask myself...why would i want to be in anyones life that treats me this way? why would i need people like that in my life...even family... and it makes since to me i wouldn't...no one would... so why can i not let go fully... i suppose i will get there... this temporary storm in my life is here to help me to finally process this, have closure and move forward...because i wasn't doing it honestly on my own. i really just wish this pain inside me would stop...that the crying would stop...soon. i wish i would just reach an angry stage...that would be easier to handle i think... but instead all i feel is pain and sadness...and the not knowing why...
Replies
I totally understand how you feel. It does hurt especially when you don\'t know what you\'ve done to deserve it. It is hard to let go because of the pain. You are so right about why you would want these people in your lives with the way they are treating you. I\'m in the same boat and dealing with it everyday. Hope you are feeling better and don\'t feel guilty for something you didn\'t do. Mine started 3 years ago when my mother died. It feels like they all hate me and I don\'t know why. I am not one to stir up drama so I just let it go...I am at the point I don\'t care what they think because I know what I\'ve done and haven\'t done. It\'s on them not me.
Hugs to you and feel free to pm me if you want to talk.
Thank you debib...and I am so sorry you had to go through this to. Why do these things revolve around the death of a family member? I would have thought it would bring family closer together not tear people apart. I really like your attitude about the whole thing and I\'m working on getting there myself. Thank you for your words and for the friend request.
I think a lot of it has to do with greed on my families part. I am trying to take care of Dad and using his money to do it. That\'s less inheritance for them, oh well I can\'t do it alone and they are never here to help. They meaning my brother and 3 granddaughters go by the house everyday and don\'t even stop to see him or call and check on him. My husband and I own a farm with my Dad and we put the farm on the market to help take care of Dad when he needs full time care. They got really mad about that. Oh well they will have to get over it. Dad has given them everything and now he has nothing to give so sad......................It just hurts me to see how they are treating him when he has done and given so much to them. I didn\'t want to believe people could be this way but they are. We\'ll get through this. You have been dealing with it a lot longer but just know who you are and and that\'s all that matters. Why do you think they are acting this way?