coping

went away for acouple of days with paul and told him everything that was going on felt goodalso went to the docs and told him i wasnt coping he gave me some tablets to take but not to sure yet bit scared about taking to many but cant cope on my own so will go back tomorrow and see if there is anythink else i can try feeling very angry and scared  aat the monent hopefully writting it all down will help  how i dont know but have given up even trying to wear my leg to tried now all i do is sleep and smoke like a chimmeny not even eating propely just so angry very angry angry maybe someone will do something to make me smile my boys are just about to give up on me  but am going to beat this feeling it might just take awhilejust have to get my /// into gear it helps writting feel abit beter getting it down on paper its to hard to talk out loud feel like a faluire if i compain to much like i havent got the write to complain and that this is my punishement for losing my leg and i have to deal with it