Conversations

Dear Oussama Alkhalili

You claim to know me but you don't. Yes, I see that you are a good judge of people and can almost always know what they are going to say or do. Yes, many of your students come to you for advice/help. That doesn't make you an expert or a professional counselor. You let it go to your head. How about some humility???  Yes you cook well but not so much that you mention that people say you should open up a restaurant. How about being more humble regarding your abilities...kickboxing, drawing, painting, photography, web design, table tennis, basketball???

    You told me in front of OUR KIDS you have physical needs so you have to masturbate. Well, I went through similar many, many years ago when I needed attention from you. I felt unloved and neglected. You preferred to watch porn on your computer and get release that way instead of with me. How do you think that made me feel???!!! I decided if you preferred it that way then I was going to learn to live without the physical intimacy. You also hurt me by not wanting the simple things like holding hands and cuddling, hugging, etc. but as you said long ago we have already discussed this and there's nothing else to talk about...it's over. If you had been planning this all along then why did you lead me to believe that you accepted our relationship...why did you buy things for me???  Why did you let me believe we were going to be together forever???

     YOU told me that by moving to San Pedro, CA, you could see me having so many opportunities. Yeah, me, a 55 year old with no degree and no car of my own who's now staying with a younger brother. Yeah, lots of opportunities here. You pressured me into moving out of the house. You said "the sooner I moved out the better it would be...(for us, or did you mean YOU?). I didn't want to be a bitch so I tried to go through all my/our things to make it easier for you to move (when I thought you and OUR SON were going to find a smaller, cheaper place to rent). Given the amount of time I had to try to sort through things I tried to  put aside stuff for garage sale but couldn't properly organize them. I tried but I had barely a week to do all that. In the end you AND Bassam were angry with me because of the mess. So I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't with YOU AND BASSAM.

     One of the many complaints you had against me was that I didn't always have a hot meal waiting for you when you came home from work. You mentioned you USED TO like to cook but you started to come to hate it because you HAD TO cook because I didn't have anything made. I am limited to beef and chicken and I run out of ideas. I even asked several times if anybody had requests or ideas on what I could make but nobody says anything. Looking at our checking account, you and Bassam have been eating out frequently.

     YOU made false accusations against me saying "I almost lost Zayna to suicide because of YOU (me). You didn't talk to our daughter to find out what was troubling her and why she felt the way she did that time she was feeling suicidal. You made your own assumptions and pinned it on me. YOU also said there was a time I said I hated OUR SON Bassam and wanted nothing to do with him. Again, YOU most probably made assumptions or exaggerated. Yes, there are times when I get angry and say things but I never really HATED Bassam, at least not in the way YOU made it sound in front if him and Zayna. Even Zayna doesn't believe what you said.

      I can't believe the hurtful, hateful way you hinted that I'm the cause of your high blood pressure. I also can't believe what you texted me about trying to keep me on your health insurance plan because  I'm "the mother of MY children."  

    I don't care for your patronizing comments when you were telling me something like "I tell them she's a good mother" and "she's a good woman"...so how many people were you telling this to???

     I've been told you're probably going through a midlife crisis. All I can say is thanks a lot for throwing me out. Good luck to the next female you lust after. If you want to keep her happy, show her affection, get used to holding hands in public. I know you said you weren't comfortable holding hands in public with me.  Also do more than just screwing her.  The foreplay is just as important if not more so than the actual act. If she doesn't like anal then don't do it. I hated it but I allowed it some of the time to please you. 

NOTE:  anniversary celebrations are meant to be spent as a couple NOT with the kids. MILESTONE anniversaries are share by family though. 

This and much more I would have like to say to you but how to word it without you becoming defensive and angry is pretty much impossible. I can almost hear you saying sarcastically, "OH, so this is all my fault!"  

Yes, you are smart, you've accomplished a lot but you don't know everything. Learn to be more humble. As someone very close to me said regarding another complaint you had against me about trying to change my low self-esteem and how I would start to get better for a little while but then fall back. This person would say that YOU expected ME to try to change but you wouldn't try to change yourself. This confidant understood why I would express my anger and frustration in destructive ways because I could not talk to you. YOU wouldn't try to understand me and my feelings. Even now I get so upset I want to break my phone but I can't because it's my only connection to OUR daughter. I get so upset at my current situation that I shake and want to cry so hard my stomach hurts.  I don't eat much because though my stomach growls I don't feel like eating much. I used to weigh 130+ but now I'm closer to 125 now. I'm starting to get panic attacks and anxiety attacks. I already deal with insomnia too. I can only hope that your eyes are opened and you see what you've done. You've got all your friends fooled into thinking you're such a great guy, volunteers to help the refugees, take charge kind of guy and great sense of humor. You are for equal rights for wonen but you contradict yourself when you were upset that some friends' son was playing with kitchen toys. When Bassam was around 3 or so you got upset because he was riding on Zayna's pink and lavender riding toy. You also got upset because Bassam wanted to play with Zayna's Barbie dolls. You are also for LGBT rights but when you thought one of OUR children might be homosexual you got upset.