Conversation with the wife...
Wife and I had a conversation tonight about us telling the kids. This was the follow up to our prior chat when I asked about when she wants to tell the kids and she replied "Never". I know she is scared and worried about the kids. She would only be staying to protect the kids. But I told her today in our conversation that its not healthy for the kids to see us walking around like roommates with not showing any affection or feelings. She said its not uncommon for folks to live like that and she has heard of it being done. To me I just don't want to gamble like that with my kids. I grew up in a family where my mom and dad did not get along and stayed together for probably the kids and to help pay bills. And I don't want to repeat that with my kids especially when it looks like we are on the same path.
I know she does not want to stay in this marriage because of me because in the conversation tonight and other conversations she has never commented that she still loves me, or wants to work on our marriage, or see a counselor, etc. so it continues to show me that she is only wanting to stay married for the kids. This to me just reaffirms that she and i do not belong to be married anymore and that we need to separate and raise our kids the best we kind in a co-parent setting.
She seems to be back to supporting the idea and moving forward with this.I hope I am speaking right about all this and that in the end this helps my kids and my wife and I.
I know she does not want to stay in this marriage because of me because in the conversation tonight and other conversations she has never commented that she still loves me, or wants to work on our marriage, or see a counselor, etc. so it continues to show me that she is only wanting to stay married for the kids. This to me just reaffirms that she and i do not belong to be married anymore and that we need to separate and raise our kids the best we kind in a co-parent setting.
She seems to be back to supporting the idea and moving forward with this.I hope I am speaking right about all this and that in the end this helps my kids and my wife and I.
Replies
You are right. I know a person who stayed in a loveless marraige for the kids and she regreted it. But you do what you have to. Stay strong you do what you need to do.
I think everyone deserves to love and be loved. If neither of you are meeting that need for each other, then you are doing the right thing, though it is a hard thing, and hopefully you will both find love in your future. Your children will see what a loving relationship is. It is true they are like sponges and they soak up everything they see, so I understand your desire to show them a healthy relationship.
You hit the nail on the head that you know your wife does not want to stay in the marriage. This is such a learning process and what you wrote shows that you are learning a lot about yourself. Your are speaking correctly. The amount of thought that you both seem to be putting into this shows that no one is leaving the kids and that you both have their best interests at heart.