Conversation with my stepdad

My stepdad and I have always been close, but in the past year or so we have grown distant as I have made choices he does not approve of (becoming an atheist, going on disability, etc). I understand that he cares about my future and that disability is going to hurt my chances of employment in the future, but it's better than being dead. I've been talking to him just a bit these past couple days, but I've been hiding my true level of depression. I tried talking to him about it a bit last night, saying I needed to be in the hospital, but he just said that would delay me dealing with what I need to deal with. He called it a "vacation from life". Yes, in a way it is a vacation from life, but when I'm swallowing dangerous pills and drinking, it's a "vacation" that's needed. I was talking to my old friend Jimmy the other day (when I still felt horrid) and I was saying "yes, please put me in the hospital and drug me out of my mind so I don't have to feel". 
I'm doing better, but I just feel this huge schism opening between my stepdad and I. I have known him since I was a little kid. He and my mom broke up about 10 years ago, but he and I still keep in contact a couple times a week. I talk to him more than I talk to anyone in my family, including my mom. He has "adopted" my brother and I. He sends me money when I need it to help pay rent, when I was in LA he would bring me food so I could eat. My brother lives in one of my stepdad's houses, and my stepdad does all the huge lot of yardwork. My stepdad has taken care of us for a long time, and he means a lot to me... I'm scared that this schism will open wider and wider and I won't be as close to him anymore.
I know I can help by telling my stepdad exactly what's going on, but I'm dealing with a large deal of shame over my pseudo-suicide attempt. I just don't know.