Continue Mothers Day

It just tears my heart up to see my father in law so not be taking care of. But I am doing the best I can. part of me would love to care for him 24/7 The other part knows that this is not an option. I am not healthy enough to do it for him. I need to be strong. I have so many questions for GOD on this disease that happens to many adult. Biggest question is WHY???? When my mother in law first started going into late state of dimentia and altimzer, I thought to myself there is a reason for all this that her loosing her memory and needed care was for a purpose. Now I wander what that purpose is. 12 years + we have been dealing with it. It has not turned anyone towards GOD. And if it has I have not seen that. And now my father in law is going through it. Why??? I ask again. All I can ask is that God bring them home, for it is not a quality of life. As an outsider I watch both my sister in laws in turmoil. And with that turmoil comes mixed emotions. I can't help either of them. Although GOd has given me a special love for them. They are my sisters, different in everyway. They are my sisters. And right now I ask for prayer for them. For they have such emotions in their hearts. I just hope that the Lord will be glorified in all this. Back to Mothers day, We drove my niece back to school. It was a long ride 5 hours round trip. But I praise the fact she adjusted to college so well. I really like the campus. And it was great walking with her on the 5k. We got to talk a little. She is one special girl. I can't let the day past with out saying I was completly blessed to have a mom as I did. It hurt not having a present to buy for a mother. I wander what she would be like today or how close we would be. My mom was the best. She was a stay at home mom. She was there for all the kids. She opened her door to anyone who needed a place to come and hang out. My mom, cared for me so much. When I was in college we talked every friday evening. About everything and then some. It was a precious time. She always knew in her heart she would go home to be with the Lord early. The week she died she told me that GOd gave her such a precious time to see her children grow. And she was blessed. Makes me wander if she knew when she went in that hospital if it would be her time. I remember how on my last birthday she spent the day with me. She went shopping with me and lunch and even to the bar. She didn't drink. Then she brought me a hat. A hat yes I was a hat women. I loved hats. Had one for each occassion. They were me. The hat was perfect. It was so me. She knew hats always made me feel alive and have a lot of fun. She just had a way of making everyone feel special.I hope as a mom I do the same. Sometimes I look at myself and say you know you are a lot like your mom. OTher times I feel like a failure with Matt and Harry. It just tears me apart. I think the enemy tries to hide that from me.( being a good mom) He knows I have a lot self doubt on that. SO he uses that to benefit days of torture form him. Oh I hate those days. I don't feel that way today.So today is 1 year and 11 months minus a day that I lost my husband. Boy will I ever be able to cling to a new beginning. Grief really stinks. It has no timetable. I am nervous over the next month. BUt of course I am a very busy soul. I am moving one moment by moment. This is a new day, with a lot work to do. But it does help to know that others feel the same. OThers feel the pain. Others will be there for you. I hope all the moms had a great day yesterday. I love all of you. Have a great day. HUGS