Continuation of last night
So, by the time I finally get into bed it is about 9:30. He is laying there, quite obviously pretending to be asleep at this point. He is breathing incredibly loudly--not snoring. Anyway, I lay there on my back, waiting for him to say something. This goes on for about 45 minutes when I finally figure he isn't going to "break his silence" and I roll over onto my side to go to sleep. This was the cue he was waiting for because he jumps up onto his side and says "So, now you think your p**** is golden now too right?!" I'm not even sure how to respond to that so I just don't. He starts yelling at me that he can't take any more of this shit, he is done with my b.s. and he's tired of being blown off all the time by me. From there, it launched into how I never have sex with him (?!?!?!) and how I don't do anything for him anyway. I took a deep breath and told myself I wasn't going to engage him--that was obviously what he was after--so I said to him, "I'm sorry you see things that way." and left it at that. What followed was another 30 minutes of nothing short of crazy talk about everything and anything he could possibly come up with in an attempt to get me to respond. I continued to give short, one and two-word answers. He finally gets up to go the bathroom and I turn my voice recorder on (no opportunity while he was in there). He comes back and keeps it up, I'm a terrible mother--look how badly I've f'ed up my kids (to which I actually did reply, to my horror I couldn't keep it in, and it wasn't nice). At this point, I just want it to end so I think having sex with him may stop the tirade. I get up to go to the bathroom, come back into the room, and said "So, did you want to have sex or are we going to go to sleep now? I have to get up for work in the morning." That asshole actually had the nerve to look at me and sneer (I don't know any other word for the expression) and said "Really?! I cannot believe you just said something like that to me!! Don't ever let me hear something like that come out of your mouth again! If you want me to treat you like a slut, a whore, a bitch, and a goddamn prostitute keep talking like that. I ought to knock your teeth out for talking like that to me!" Okay....I just rolled over. Which he took as me blowing him off again so the talking was relentless.
I finally looked at him and said, "You need serious help. I cannot keep doing this with you. Either you are trying to convince me that I am going crazy and there is something wrong with me, or you truly do believe some of the things you say which means you are crazy. Either way, this is a lose-lose situation and it needs to end." He then screams at me that he is now making over $120000 per year just on his daytime job so he doesn't need to listen to my bullshit any longer. I think he needs me. And on and on. Now this triggered a rage like no other for me. I knew he had gotten a raise, I knew he made more than me, I knew this. But for some reason to hear him say it right then, my mind started calculating and I got pissed. He then asks me what is wrong with me now. I tell him that I'm a little irritated and I just want to be left alone to go to sleep. At this point this "conversation" has been going on for over 2 hours. He gets up and starts getting dressed. Thankfully, he leaned right over the (hidden) voice recorder and repeats what he had just said about the amount of money he's making and then laughs and says, "And if you think that means you're going to take me to court and get ANY of it, you've got another think coming. I've already told my boss what a gold-digging bitch you really are and they have worked the numbers out so nobody will ever know I make that much." (Now I never had any intentions of taking him to court....I just want to be free and safe, but I laughed to myself that he just keeps hanging himself--he's now on the record having made that statement.) As he was leaving, he tells me he wants the keys to the car I've been driving in the interim, because supposedly he wanted to look at mine before I drove it again. I hand them to him and he says "You better put oil in that p.o.s of yours before you even start it up tomorrow because it's going to blow up--it's bone dry". He then leaves.
Of course, he then calls. And what follows is more of his crazy bullshit. Only when he doesn't receive the responses he wants he gets nasty. He brings up the adoption and what a terrible person I am and continues ranting on and on about how messed up I am and that I need serious help. I said, "Are you finished yet, because I really want to go to bed now." He replies, "What are you going to cry yourself to sleep now?" I couldn't help myself and I told him that he knew me better than that. When backed into a corner, I don't curl up and cry and that he is so freaking pathetic that nothing he says to me can hurt me anyway. He hangs up, but only because he has actually been standing in the stairwell all this time. He then comes back into the bedroom and starts going on and on about the changes he expects me to make if we are going to make this work (!!!!!!???????) and how much he has always wanted me (not loved mind you, but wanted) and how there was something about me--my passion, fiery attitude, independence--that had made him decide from the first that he was going to have me. All the while I am thinking to myself, yet you systematically set about trying to crush the very things that you profess to have been attracted to in the first place; then you get angry when it does and/or doesn't work. Anyway, there was some more discussion about how he feels that it needs to be just us, no outside world (which includes our children mind you), how when he looks at me he doesn't see the family, and when pressed on where he sees the children in the hierarchy of priorities in his life, he refused to answer. He told me it was unfair for me to ask that question of him, and how nobody has the right to judge anyone else. Mind you, I wasn't judging, I was just curious to see what he would say--there was nothing. Then, as calmly as if none of this FOUR hours had happened at this point, and at which time it was 2:27 AM, he asks me if we can just have sex now. Lord, I am horrified to say that I just did it to go to sleep. This morning he keeps calling me being so sickeningly sweet that I want to puke. I cannot keep doing this. Just saying.
I finally looked at him and said, "You need serious help. I cannot keep doing this with you. Either you are trying to convince me that I am going crazy and there is something wrong with me, or you truly do believe some of the things you say which means you are crazy. Either way, this is a lose-lose situation and it needs to end." He then screams at me that he is now making over $120000 per year just on his daytime job so he doesn't need to listen to my bullshit any longer. I think he needs me. And on and on. Now this triggered a rage like no other for me. I knew he had gotten a raise, I knew he made more than me, I knew this. But for some reason to hear him say it right then, my mind started calculating and I got pissed. He then asks me what is wrong with me now. I tell him that I'm a little irritated and I just want to be left alone to go to sleep. At this point this "conversation" has been going on for over 2 hours. He gets up and starts getting dressed. Thankfully, he leaned right over the (hidden) voice recorder and repeats what he had just said about the amount of money he's making and then laughs and says, "And if you think that means you're going to take me to court and get ANY of it, you've got another think coming. I've already told my boss what a gold-digging bitch you really are and they have worked the numbers out so nobody will ever know I make that much." (Now I never had any intentions of taking him to court....I just want to be free and safe, but I laughed to myself that he just keeps hanging himself--he's now on the record having made that statement.) As he was leaving, he tells me he wants the keys to the car I've been driving in the interim, because supposedly he wanted to look at mine before I drove it again. I hand them to him and he says "You better put oil in that p.o.s of yours before you even start it up tomorrow because it's going to blow up--it's bone dry". He then leaves.
Of course, he then calls. And what follows is more of his crazy bullshit. Only when he doesn't receive the responses he wants he gets nasty. He brings up the adoption and what a terrible person I am and continues ranting on and on about how messed up I am and that I need serious help. I said, "Are you finished yet, because I really want to go to bed now." He replies, "What are you going to cry yourself to sleep now?" I couldn't help myself and I told him that he knew me better than that. When backed into a corner, I don't curl up and cry and that he is so freaking pathetic that nothing he says to me can hurt me anyway. He hangs up, but only because he has actually been standing in the stairwell all this time. He then comes back into the bedroom and starts going on and on about the changes he expects me to make if we are going to make this work (!!!!!!???????) and how much he has always wanted me (not loved mind you, but wanted) and how there was something about me--my passion, fiery attitude, independence--that had made him decide from the first that he was going to have me. All the while I am thinking to myself, yet you systematically set about trying to crush the very things that you profess to have been attracted to in the first place; then you get angry when it does and/or doesn't work. Anyway, there was some more discussion about how he feels that it needs to be just us, no outside world (which includes our children mind you), how when he looks at me he doesn't see the family, and when pressed on where he sees the children in the hierarchy of priorities in his life, he refused to answer. He told me it was unfair for me to ask that question of him, and how nobody has the right to judge anyone else. Mind you, I wasn't judging, I was just curious to see what he would say--there was nothing. Then, as calmly as if none of this FOUR hours had happened at this point, and at which time it was 2:27 AM, he asks me if we can just have sex now. Lord, I am horrified to say that I just did it to go to sleep. This morning he keeps calling me being so sickeningly sweet that I want to puke. I cannot keep doing this. Just saying.
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He really is an ass. As for the sex thing - I did that more times than I can count, just to be able to go to sleep. It\'s soul destroying, but we do what we have to do to survive.