Contemplation

Does it say in the bible to not kill yourself? Thou shall not commit murder... but it also says in the old testament that if your hand causes you to sin that you should cut it off... what if I cause myself to sin? Is it of the world to preach that everyone should want to live? Or is it biblical? He who loves his life will lose it, he who gives his life will save it... ? All is vanity... a chasing after the wind... Are we supposed to hate our human lives? I for one ache for death... no idea what the afterlife holds, waiting for god to make the call and feeling rather impatient... I'm ready for whatever physical pain accompanies the death march, it can only last so long and we are all on the death list. Is it noble to hold out as long as possible? Pain is this world. I was born through pain of my mother, I suffer pain through my existence, and I will endure pain when I die. What is my lesson of pain? The mental anguish is the worst part of existence. Give me a bullet to bite and tear out my guts, show me my heart beating in your hand as my vision fades to black. Yes it will hurt... delightfully so. For some reason it just can't be my action to do it. It must be someone else's evil.