Content???

So far, i am entirely peaceful and happy with my decision to move BACK into my step parents house, even if there is a space issue. i feel calm, unpressured, and dare i say even safe. it makes me a little on edge cause i dont want it to change. but ive managed to read the whole twilight series, have internet, start catching up on some of my DS friends, play with pictures, lay and take long naps with my dog, and just be calm and rub my belly and think about my baby and plans for the future.  We had a surprise snow storm yesterday, on my due date! LOL. so what do i do? my and my two sisters went and played on the snowboard and sled down a little hill on the property, here i was, on my due date, sledding down a hill. i only did it once, mainly for pictures, but it was fun. fun hanging out with my sisters, i dont think we done that in a long time. good thing too, crazy washington weather, the 4 inches of snow was GONE by the afternoon.its been crazy here! sunshine, then snow, then rain, then sunshine, then windstorm, then back to sunshine... sheesh.  Today was an irritble day for me moodwise, im a little edgy. i visited with my friend and recent former roomate, and you know? i was happy to NOT be living there anymore. sure the room was bigger, the house nicer, but really? im glad i traded it all for this small room me and my sister share. The baby's dads parents got me more stuff, a whole matching crib bumper and sheets and mobile, and a stroller and a play and pack play pen. they make up for so much that the dad is not, and never will be there for, i cant wait to meet them. IF i have this baby tonight, im happy i got some calm time, out of all the chaos of the past year.im glad i had some time, to hear myself think a little, and just breathe and eat ice cream, (and a whole box of donuts LOL) in peace.  one concern is my real mother, while we have had a decent relationship the past couple months, she scares me.  i went out to lunch with her the other day, and she got me tons of diapers, and just was nice, the minute i got in the car with her i instantly felt like jumping off a cliff, and depressed. she never said or did anything wrong or malicious, but i just felt completely awful. and it made me more sad that there was no reason for it. my sisters say she does the same thing to them sometimes. I hate it.  but aside from that, my moms feelings are hurt cause i didnt move in with her. but she has RATS in her house, and it is so incredibly messy, she wanted me to move into there and clean it before hand, NO WAY. im too pregnant, i mean, imagine mountains of clothes, fleas, mold, yellow toilets that used to be white, same with the walls and bathtubs, sinks. dishes piled up like the ifle tower, and a fridge with chicken cooked from christmas in it!  she says its like that cause she "never gets any help"  um... well... im not the one to be able to do it, and ive been places with more traffic, like here, that do not look like that.i told her it was too messy for the baby, that if she wanted to fight about it, then fine, but that i couldnt help right now, and it was the truth and that she was grown, that it has always been that way, so take it what i said for what it is, but that i wasnt going to lie to her on my reasons why i didnt want my baby there. she's ticked cause i live with my step mom, but what was i suposed to do? a rat could bite my baby! it bit my sister the other day! while she was sleeping. YUCK and scary. so i dont know what to do about that.  i know there will be fighting. she will feel left out. but what can i do? she really doesnt understand.  she wants to babysit, but wont come over here, really has no need to anyway. so i dont knwo what to do. i think i will go, and maybe clean her house as best i can ONCE after the baby is born. tell her to get rid of the rats, then give her a CHANCE to baby sit. but tell her, that if it does not stay clean, then the baby will not be back, ever. i have enough to do. i appreciate all the baby stuff she has gotten for me, and that she has been nice to me, but that doesnt erase the past, and doesnt make it ok for my baby to be in an unsafe enviroment.  wow, guess i went off venting on that one.  its just a part of me that wants everyone to be happy, and everything to work out, and i know that it wont happen so it makes me sad.  well wish me luck! i want to meet my baby! (then again i still like her where she is)