Control
Yesterday I was really aware of how much I want to control as my son and I had a big fight. After many tears and the awareness of I really, really, really, try to manipulate in a sneaky way, I am giving myself permission to say "I really wanted to control in a sneaky, manipulative, way." This shakes me up a little, as I feel I am so dedicated to learning how NOT to be controlling...but I like it that it "shakes me up" because I am willing to go with it and see what I am to do with it. I, myself, have no idea; but I am surrendering it because it DOES NOT FEEL GOOD! I accept I want to control; but I surrender it because I need help in doing so.
Last year I dedicated the whole year to let go of judgment and I have been shown how very judgmental I am/was...thank goodness. This year I am dedicating myself to deep radical forgiveness of self...we'll see.
I am not beating myself up today, but accepting where I am.
Happy Saturday everyone!
xo
Last year I dedicated the whole year to let go of judgment and I have been shown how very judgmental I am/was...thank goodness. This year I am dedicating myself to deep radical forgiveness of self...we'll see.
I am not beating myself up today, but accepting where I am.
Happy Saturday everyone!
xo
Replies
Good plan. Happy Saturday to you too!
Just curious, what would happen IF you didn\'t control?
XO
I am going to find out. When I have let go of control with other situations, I feel at-ease inside..Somewhere deep inside my psyche, I must still feel I need to feel at dis-ease! It\'s coming to fruition and I am glad! xo
I can relate!!!! Yay! This Xmas has been such a good time for me learn about myself but Vicki, every time I struggled, I thought of you! You were such a strength to me.
I have done a lot of cooking and catering...from dawn til dusk...for family. I have had a rather crowded house. Every time ive been about to put on my pyjamas on and rest, more family have turned up.
It\'s been interesting how they have all ignored my exhausted face and comments. I\'ve become quite rude but they\'ve still ignored me. I\'ve said things like, \'I\'m just getting ready for bed\' but they\'ve still come in for 2 hrs. I\'ve learnt that their rudeness is bad but to laugh at it, rather than let me get tense. When Ive let them in, I\'ve learnt to just have fun and give them a chance. They come to my door for love. It\'s xmas...so I give it to them in short doses. I can\'t fill their tanks.
I take nothing personally. It helps. But Vicki, thinking of you, guided me through. Thank you xxx
Aw...so sweet. Thank-you! It\'s easy to be around like-minded people, or people who care, but family is a tough one for me. This blowup with my son is teaching me a lot! Travis is right when he says \"you always have to find something wrong Mom.\" I can find a lot right with him (he can\'t see that I do that though and said so\" but I always manage to in a sneaky manipulative throw out something that is saying to him \"you are not enough.\" It\'s easy for me to tell people this and say it to myself, but it\'s kind of spouting something I don\'t really mean at times...That\'s why I don\'t do well with affirmations if they don\'t ring true for me. Anyway this argument (which we have made up now; Travis and I don\'t hold grudges) has made me more aware how I do certain things I don\'t like to do. In my quiet time this morning I surrendered the situation to the Holly Spirit...I, of myself, cannot figure it out; I need your help!! Help, help, help me. Later, I read \"focus on the Content (the Light/Love that is WITHIN everyone) do not focus on the form (the outer). I judge Travis and myself and other\'s according to the \'outer\"...what they do, what they don\'t do, how hard they work, how they live, etc. which leads to judgment. With the blessing I received the morning, I am now going to work at putting my focus on the \'content\' the Inner Light/Love/Innocence that we ARE; the part of us that is connected with ALL people and the part of us that is Spiritual. This will help keep the focus off the \'form.\" This is what I do a lot in meditation; work at putting my focus on the \'formless\' the part of us that never changes, that is pure Love! I don\'t know if this makes sense, but it was an epiphany for me...Love you so much and you sure did a beautiful job handling your family! xo
Yay!
It makes perfect sense Vicki. I will be working on this same thing. Conflict certainly brings up some painful lessons.
I understand completely how hard it is to let go of control. I\'m battling away with it too. I seem to have similar situations at times too with all of my kids, but particularly my son. He\'s says I am always looking for the negative aspect. As you say, knowing it and stopping it are two different things. Work in progress- and we shall overcome! Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!xxxxx
Baby steps, right? It is hard to let go of control; however, the funny thing I realize is I never did have control to start with! Crazy! Happy New Year and Happy New Beginnings! xo
I\'m with you on the affirmations, they mean nothing if they\'re superficial. They must \"feel\" right; it\'s hard to describe, isn\'t it? To me it\'s the \"correct\" words of used in the affirmation.
One thing I\'m learning, is when I find resistance to an affirmation, I getting suggesting that that \"awareness\" is significant. As Lisa & I were exchanging comments, I \"think\" the resistance is hiding an emotional negativity that needs healing and further investigation. I\'m not certain of that yet, but I do want to explore that possibility; otherwise, it is generic, and someone else\'s affirmation. It\'s not \"feeling\" personal enough. Like it feels \"demeaning\"?
Anyway, it\'s 8:24 pm here CST. Happy New Year of Hope & Progress!