Constantly fighting with myself.

this is really embarressing , but i need to get it out and i could really use your feedback.last week i took care of an elderly guy. i went through his meds and found tramadol. its a pain med. i took a lot of them, hoping to catch a  buzz. well i guess i passed out because i woke up and he told me i had 2 seizures.i was so confused, i didnt know what was going on. i called scott and he came over. he was very worried about me.i am not taking care of the guy anymore. i cant stick with anything.scott says i shocked my brain.and my system.im going to see a neurologist april first.last night i told scott that i wanted to party.i said i was just going to have a few beers.well, i had more than a few.i came home and i know we made love, but  dont remember it.how do i get back on track?