considering failure - profanity warning
a thread on the board has me twitchy and slipping into a blue funk. failing, feeling like i'm failing...not being "normal" or not living up to my potential has screwed my ability to remain in touch with EVERYONE from life before my first hospitalisation. failure and shame...they shouldn't be an issue. i know that in my head, but i get stuck feeling worthless and like i can't or won't succeed at anything since i've not managed more than 6 months of stability since then. now...those thoughts are creeping back - what other people must think about the mess of my life; how it must look. whether i am making excuses, making a "bigger deal" of my mood disorder than i should, whether i've trapped myself and if i could pull myself back to "normal" if i really wanted to. i really do hate the idea of "normal" what the fuck is that anyway?.
i hate this feeling, and now i'm wanting to cry. shit - sometimes the boards have a way of sucking all positive feeling away. i was doing pretty well today, now i want to curl up and try to keep the bad thoughts at bay. fuck.
i hate this feeling, and now i'm wanting to cry. shit - sometimes the boards have a way of sucking all positive feeling away. i was doing pretty well today, now i want to curl up and try to keep the bad thoughts at bay. fuck.
Replies
her threads are always provocative, Maven and I\'ve had issues with her behavior...please don\'t let what she thinks/says get in your head too much. I also know what it is like to have that little person on your shoulder saying \"this person doesn\'t believe you, you\'re a fake, you can do better, you don\'t try hard enough\" - and it makes *this thing* worse.
Who would ever ask for such an illness?? No one. None of us wish for thing and I\'m positive that we would all love to live what society considers to be a normal life. But as I\'ve said before - there are many ways to \"contribute to society\"...we are NOT worthless.
((hugs))
thanks sweetheart...it\'s just i come here to get away from all that shit. now my head hurts, my heart hurts, and i\'m so angry i\'m about to shut down and wallow. such a wonderful start to the day lemme tell you.
I\'m sorry that someones impressions have hurt you so much : ( You have been such a good friend to me and have such a beautiful heart and soul Please don\'t let one person\'s opinions get you down, Some people just live to make others feel bad because it helps them feel better about themselves and not have too concentrate on there stuff. All my love to you sweetie, you are a good person and don\'t deserve that in your life. Blessings to you
I felt the same way after logging on this morning and reading the posts of a few people. I was so angry with what was said. My morning wasn\'t going well to begin with and that whole thing just made me spiral. It makes me angry with myself for letting it get to me but I couldn\'t help it this morning. Anyway, I really hope your day gets better...xx