Confused

As I already have said what do I am lost the one that gives me butterfies I want him I am happy with him my husband as I am reading through people's post an the answers they get back r really making me think if I love these two really or r they just a comfort measure sometimes I just want to run away an b off the grid an as my brain is thinking to b in  his arms the man who makes my arms shake an my heart race I know I am being selfish as people have said to me I have two men an I want this third I want they way he makes me feel, the happiness that I have while I am with him an I miss him so much, I think of him before I go to sleep an when I wake I feel like I am I just staying with them both to not break there hearts what do I do I am confused an lost I know it is wrong to cheat an I hate my self so much for it but I felt like my marriage was over awhile ago thats y I talked to my husband about having my boyfriend involved like living with us sleeping in the same bed, a king one,  an all but I don't know what else to do my feeling for the 3 one is I don't know how to say or explain it the butterflies the heart racing what do I do please If some one could give some insite or something would help b honest