Confused

HI All,

Well I woke up today,  I guess that is a good thing, at least that is what people around me have told me from time to time (people at work)    I had breakfast,  watching the news and doing laundry.  I have to hang up some of my clothes, I don't put everything into the dryer.   Then I am going to clean my bathroom, do some gardening. I have to pull up some gladiolas,  then I am going to go through some clutter in my room.  have lunch, and read the Star Trek book I am currently reading.   Then I have to walk a neighbor's dog.  I walk him twice a week for her (I work around my Home Depot schedule.  she used to ask me to walk him 5 days, now it's Wed and Thurs mid afternoon)   I am off Thurs (except this week they cut my hours so I am only working this week on Sun)  

Then I plan to watch some TV.  Will and Grace is on tonight. As well as Orville, Project Runway and Ice Road Truckers.  I am so glad I can watch these shows on demand.   It's funny how either there will be hardly anything to watch on TV or too many things on at the same time. 

I am confused as to what to do with my life.  My birthday is next Thurs.  I'll be 55 and I feel like my life is pretty much over.  I have a dead end job, stressful and something I hate.    I wasn't happy when I turned 50 because many people are planning on retirement.  I've known several people who are retired,  including my housemate.   A neighbor just retired about a month ago, I have an online friend who retired last year, and a former neighbor who also retired last year.   Another online friend just retired and is doing something she really loves, namely writing. She's become a successful writer and has her books available online.   She writes Scottish historical romance stories (like Highlander type stories) apparently it is a successful genre.  when I tried to write, I sold some books, but wasn't really successful.  Sometimes I think about writing.  I even have an idea, or at least a scene in my head.   They say write what you know.  Well I've come to know the DC area fairly well.   My scene starts off with someone who wakes up on one of the metro trains in DC and doesn't know how he got there, perhaps he is alone on the train or few people on the train.  And that is pretty much it.  I haven't really worked out a plot.  But I thought it was an interesting idea.     But I haven't actually written anything.  

I feel like there has been SOMETHING I was supposed to do with my life,  but it's like taking the wrong fork in the road.  I feel like I went the wrong way and can't figure out what to do.   I'd like to be one of those people who retire, but I don't see that happening.  (I did read an article in the Washington Post about seniors who can't retire because they have no or little finances.   

I just don't know how not to get myself motivated to do something.  I am like a turtle in a shell that would rather retreat than put myself out there and find something I want to do.   I am sick of jobs that are just jobs.  I want something that excites me or makes me happy. 

Thanks for letting me vent.