confusion

ok should i be happy she said she woulda come with me to the funeral if i had asked her to. said just cause thing didnt work out in the relationship she still wants to be part of my life. but then why when i say we sshould talk soon she says ya but not tonight im going out we can talk after work tomorrow. do i freak out on her. sent her text saying why does it always have to be when good for her. why not when i need her. then got mad jealous she is going out. said just go have fun cause obviously i couldnt make u happy. why did i have to do that?y not just say ok have fun. cause i want her to come see me. i want her to be going out with me tonight. i almost lost me freaking head lastnight pretty damn close . i hate all these emotions. i dont want to feel like this again with anyone. i want to curl in a ball and cry again and again. but the boys are home so gonna keep it together. and try not look at nasty text she just sent me. ugh i need grow up i sound like stupid teeny bopper