Confrontation
This is what I know.
I have been lied to, manipulated, controlled, and treated in a way that made me feel worthless for my entire life, and throughout our entire relationship. I know you continue to lie to me and deceive me. I know you are passive aggressive with me, even when I don't find out. I know many times you are not even aware that this has happened unless it's pointed out.
This is how it made me feel.
It makes me feel dead and empty. It makes me physically sick. It makes me feel like trash. It makes me feel worthless. It makes me full of rage, contempt, and depression. It makes me want to run. It makes me afraid. It makes me feel betrayed. It makes me feel like I cannot trust myself. It makes me feel like a failure. It makes me feel crazy. It makes me feel abandoned and completely hopeless.
This is what I want from you now to stay in this relationship.
I am not going to make any promises, but I am willing to work with you to see if we are capable of a healthy relationship. This doesn't mean we can go back to the status quo. What we had can never be again and I grieve that intensely, but I'm willing to put in the effort to build our new relationship.
I want you to fully accept what the problem is. I want you to admit what you've done and how it has affected me. This includes the specific acts of cheating with Joanna, active deception, lying, leading me on, controlling me, holding me to a standard you do not follow, playing on my sympathies, projecting, hiding, treating me like I do not matter. I deserve to know the truth about the past, now, and whether there is a possibility of a future.
I want accountability and daily checking in where you are actively revealing lies. I want to everyday to see you practice telling me the truth on purpose for no reason both in writing and in person, like when Martin had you texting me when you were leaving band practice. I want to be involved in a plan with your counselor to actively and aggressively confront this. I want you to practice meditation or another similar technique that I can see you doing directly related to attachment and self issues. I want to hear everyday that you own the problem, what you are doing that day to fix it, that this relationship is what you want, and what you plan to do the next day.
I want to hear everyday the things you appreciated or loved about me that day. I also want you to give me security and time to devote to myself. I want to see you actively trying to understand and work with me without judgement, criticism, or blame as I work through my stuff.
I want to hear that the accusations Joanna makes against me are not true, specifically about being controlling, manipulating, that I'm an embarrassment, and a failure as a mother and person. I want it to be clear that she is not told any information about me by you any longer without my consent. I will need to know exactly what has been said to her and others about me by you.
I want you every week to tell me where the divorce is at and something you did to move it forward, to stand up to her, to live where she has no place or control in our lives. I want to see you sitting down in conference with the lawyers by the end of June to attempt to get this finished. I want you and I, by the 16th of June to decide on a way and date of when I will move in with Lydia.
I want full access and disclosure of any communications with her. I want full access to everything about you in the short term without reserve. You must be willing to work actively with me to build a new relationship based on truth and personal integrity. No more lying, deception, dismissal, or passive aggressive behavior. I deserve better.
I don't want you to attack me, become defensive, avoid, distract, blame, or otherwise actively work against me. I never want to hear, "but you.... " There will be time for my own parts as a separate discussion, but it will not be when we are talking about you.
I have been lied to, manipulated, controlled, and treated in a way that made me feel worthless for my entire life, and throughout our entire relationship. I know you continue to lie to me and deceive me. I know you are passive aggressive with me, even when I don't find out. I know many times you are not even aware that this has happened unless it's pointed out.
This is how it made me feel.
It makes me feel dead and empty. It makes me physically sick. It makes me feel like trash. It makes me feel worthless. It makes me full of rage, contempt, and depression. It makes me want to run. It makes me afraid. It makes me feel betrayed. It makes me feel like I cannot trust myself. It makes me feel like a failure. It makes me feel crazy. It makes me feel abandoned and completely hopeless.
This is what I want from you now to stay in this relationship.
I am not going to make any promises, but I am willing to work with you to see if we are capable of a healthy relationship. This doesn't mean we can go back to the status quo. What we had can never be again and I grieve that intensely, but I'm willing to put in the effort to build our new relationship.
I want you to fully accept what the problem is. I want you to admit what you've done and how it has affected me. This includes the specific acts of cheating with Joanna, active deception, lying, leading me on, controlling me, holding me to a standard you do not follow, playing on my sympathies, projecting, hiding, treating me like I do not matter. I deserve to know the truth about the past, now, and whether there is a possibility of a future.
I want accountability and daily checking in where you are actively revealing lies. I want to everyday to see you practice telling me the truth on purpose for no reason both in writing and in person, like when Martin had you texting me when you were leaving band practice. I want to be involved in a plan with your counselor to actively and aggressively confront this. I want you to practice meditation or another similar technique that I can see you doing directly related to attachment and self issues. I want to hear everyday that you own the problem, what you are doing that day to fix it, that this relationship is what you want, and what you plan to do the next day.
I want to hear everyday the things you appreciated or loved about me that day. I also want you to give me security and time to devote to myself. I want to see you actively trying to understand and work with me without judgement, criticism, or blame as I work through my stuff.
I want to hear that the accusations Joanna makes against me are not true, specifically about being controlling, manipulating, that I'm an embarrassment, and a failure as a mother and person. I want it to be clear that she is not told any information about me by you any longer without my consent. I will need to know exactly what has been said to her and others about me by you.
I want you every week to tell me where the divorce is at and something you did to move it forward, to stand up to her, to live where she has no place or control in our lives. I want to see you sitting down in conference with the lawyers by the end of June to attempt to get this finished. I want you and I, by the 16th of June to decide on a way and date of when I will move in with Lydia.
I want full access and disclosure of any communications with her. I want full access to everything about you in the short term without reserve. You must be willing to work actively with me to build a new relationship based on truth and personal integrity. No more lying, deception, dismissal, or passive aggressive behavior. I deserve better.
I don't want you to attack me, become defensive, avoid, distract, blame, or otherwise actively work against me. I never want to hear, "but you.... " There will be time for my own parts as a separate discussion, but it will not be when we are talking about you.
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