Conflicted...social not FM issue...
Okay this is more of a social type issue not a FM issue but I thought maybe I could get some input regarding it so here goes....
Before my husband I dated a guy we shall call D. D and I were actually very good friends before it ever progressed to dating. (I was incredibly gun-shy about dating so that's why the dating worked!) Now I'd like to maintain some kind of contact with D such as e-mails or phone calls occasionally; visiting with him, his sister and other marching band friends when he is in town, he lives in another state.
The problem.....Hubby wants nothing to do with this plan! On his level I think this has to do with his being cheated on at one point so the lines between "friends and more" is very black and white for him. And while there isn't a whole lot he can do to stop me...sometimes it is just easier to skip the conflict, agree to disagree and not make contact. This is difficult on a level for me too because I feel like husband does not trust me; no matter how many times I point out to him that the romantic relationship is VERY dead (I am very aware of how a relationship with D would never work). He just does not want to have ANYTHING to do with it. (Ironically on some levels he and D would get along.)
I'll also point out that along with being a friend of his I am friends also with his sister (she's one of my Facebook friends) and her husband in marching band. Marching band is actually a rather small world and there are only so many degrees of separation between people u know.
So, here it is a mini soap opera novel for your entertainment. What should I do? Besides try to beat some sense into my husband which trust me does not work!! Game plan right now is to write an e-mail to D on hotmail which hubby has no access to and then save it under drafts but do not send it. Maybe that will get it out of my system. Advice? thanks...
Before my husband I dated a guy we shall call D. D and I were actually very good friends before it ever progressed to dating. (I was incredibly gun-shy about dating so that's why the dating worked!) Now I'd like to maintain some kind of contact with D such as e-mails or phone calls occasionally; visiting with him, his sister and other marching band friends when he is in town, he lives in another state.
The problem.....Hubby wants nothing to do with this plan! On his level I think this has to do with his being cheated on at one point so the lines between "friends and more" is very black and white for him. And while there isn't a whole lot he can do to stop me...sometimes it is just easier to skip the conflict, agree to disagree and not make contact. This is difficult on a level for me too because I feel like husband does not trust me; no matter how many times I point out to him that the romantic relationship is VERY dead (I am very aware of how a relationship with D would never work). He just does not want to have ANYTHING to do with it. (Ironically on some levels he and D would get along.)
I'll also point out that along with being a friend of his I am friends also with his sister (she's one of my Facebook friends) and her husband in marching band. Marching band is actually a rather small world and there are only so many degrees of separation between people u know.
So, here it is a mini soap opera novel for your entertainment. What should I do? Besides try to beat some sense into my husband which trust me does not work!! Game plan right now is to write an e-mail to D on hotmail which hubby has no access to and then save it under drafts but do not send it. Maybe that will get it out of my system. Advice? thanks...
Replies
when I remarried, I had male friends who I\'d been friends with for years, he got jealous of them and I told him I would not stop being friends with my friends just because he didn\'t like it, eventually he accepted them as friends also, they came to the house to visit as they had always done so he had no chioce. My friends are friends, and he finally dealt with it, male or female, they are my friends.
thanks that was my thoughts too! I\'m not going to \"unfriend\" a friend even if said friend was someone I dated and was intimate with!
If you hide this friendship, then it will only feed into your husband\'s insecurities and jealousy and make matters 100 times worse. Take it from someone who has been on the other end of this. My husband\'s ex is like a bad penny he can\'t shake. So, he hides her from me so I don\'t get upset. Him hiding her bothers me more than the fact that she won\'t leave him alone. In my opinion, you need to be open about this with your husband, and put yourself in his shoes. What would you want him to do if he were in your place? *HUGS*
Thanks, Michelle. It\'s not as much as I\'ve been hiding a friendship, it\'s more a having a friendship because it is such a touchy subject with my hubby and I don\'t want a fight to start up! But I\'d tired of being lonely. I sent the e-mail, and told my husband.