Confession of a Serial Cheater
I found this place while I was looking around, trying to find more info on guys like me, and strangely, there seems to be some lack of information.My story: 37, in a loving marriage, while messing around with a lot of girls. This all started 10 years ago, and intensified over time. It ended (I hope!) 63 days ago when I confessed to my serial behavior (it had been 2 years)
I cheated without feeling any remorse or regret, just for the vibrancy of it. I hugged my wife and told her that I loved her (and I meant it), and we had better sex than I had with any of my one night stands. But I cheated again: I just liked girls, and they like me too, and I use that to have fun. And I could never understand why my wife always acted like something was wrong in the marriage. I look at my past aghast...
Evolution partly to blame I'm sure, but I refuse to hide behind that excuse. Men and women are both s programmed for passing their genes. Men can do it by having sex with as many different women as possible, while women can do their best by having a caring and loving male take care of them (and their child in the future), while they get impregnated by a strong alpha-male, without their partner knowing about it, thus increasing their genetic diversity, creating a stronger offspring. There's a lot of info on this, just search for evolutionary psychology, sperm war, Red Queen, etc...
While a lot of people cheat once or twice, very few get away with it repeatedly. Once they are discovered, they mostly stop, but not because they don't want to do it anymore, but because they are afraid of the consequences (cost/benefit analysis fall against them).
There are some who get away with it repeatedly, the so-called serial cheaters. I think most people are discovered because they start acting weird, because they feel bad, and their partner finds out, or they simply break to the pressure, and confess it (as I did, somewhat reluctantly as I was being discovered ina blossoming, unconsummated affair). The thing was that I felt practically no remorse at all for the majority of the indiscretions. I would sleep with a girl whose name I didn't even know and come home to my wife the same day and sleep together later (often, I felt myself more "attentive" to her and sex was generally better). When I realized that I could lie and deceive without any effort I began to wonder if I might be a psychopath of some sort, so I researched the subject of Anti Social Personality Disorder, and I show some symptoms, but not nearly enough to be diagnosed as one (e.g. I have above average intelligence and charm, I can easily manipulate people, I get bored easily, I'm impulsive; but I don't hurt animals/people, or get in trouble with the law regularly). I actually have enormous empathy (part of what makes my seducing behavior effective!), and I wasn't a misbehaving child, or from a broken home or show other "addictive" habits.There is a part of me that is a loving and caring husband and a part of me that is a "bad boy", enjoying my youth and virility, and these two parts never talk to, or meet each other. And I lived a happy life until my conscience began knocking.
Now my wife is devastated and I'm surprised. It's awful to realize how insensitive I've been. I honestly felt that my behavior was a "victimless" crime. And now I realize I've harmed my beloved and my 3 wonderful children. I want OUT of this habit.
I cheated without feeling any remorse or regret, just for the vibrancy of it. I hugged my wife and told her that I loved her (and I meant it), and we had better sex than I had with any of my one night stands. But I cheated again: I just liked girls, and they like me too, and I use that to have fun. And I could never understand why my wife always acted like something was wrong in the marriage. I look at my past aghast...
Evolution partly to blame I'm sure, but I refuse to hide behind that excuse. Men and women are both s programmed for passing their genes. Men can do it by having sex with as many different women as possible, while women can do their best by having a caring and loving male take care of them (and their child in the future), while they get impregnated by a strong alpha-male, without their partner knowing about it, thus increasing their genetic diversity, creating a stronger offspring. There's a lot of info on this, just search for evolutionary psychology, sperm war, Red Queen, etc...
While a lot of people cheat once or twice, very few get away with it repeatedly. Once they are discovered, they mostly stop, but not because they don't want to do it anymore, but because they are afraid of the consequences (cost/benefit analysis fall against them).
There are some who get away with it repeatedly, the so-called serial cheaters. I think most people are discovered because they start acting weird, because they feel bad, and their partner finds out, or they simply break to the pressure, and confess it (as I did, somewhat reluctantly as I was being discovered ina blossoming, unconsummated affair). The thing was that I felt practically no remorse at all for the majority of the indiscretions. I would sleep with a girl whose name I didn't even know and come home to my wife the same day and sleep together later (often, I felt myself more "attentive" to her and sex was generally better). When I realized that I could lie and deceive without any effort I began to wonder if I might be a psychopath of some sort, so I researched the subject of Anti Social Personality Disorder, and I show some symptoms, but not nearly enough to be diagnosed as one (e.g. I have above average intelligence and charm, I can easily manipulate people, I get bored easily, I'm impulsive; but I don't hurt animals/people, or get in trouble with the law regularly). I actually have enormous empathy (part of what makes my seducing behavior effective!), and I wasn't a misbehaving child, or from a broken home or show other "addictive" habits.There is a part of me that is a loving and caring husband and a part of me that is a "bad boy", enjoying my youth and virility, and these two parts never talk to, or meet each other. And I lived a happy life until my conscience began knocking.
Now my wife is devastated and I'm surprised. It's awful to realize how insensitive I've been. I honestly felt that my behavior was a "victimless" crime. And now I realize I've harmed my beloved and my 3 wonderful children. I want OUT of this habit.
Replies
Ok so it is basically the thrill of the hunt. It seduces your impulsive nature. That was easy.