Confession

I told my wife about things I lied to her. I know I didn't tell everything, new things will be coming to me all the time. But I did thing I thought to be impossible. It was surprisingly calm, but I know how upset She is. And things of course didn't change in one thing - She wants a divorce. Well, hard to be surprised after all she has heard... I am truly sorry for all those lies. I know it was stupid - sometimes hiding something, "brushing under the carpet" to avoid confrontation. Actually I can say sometimes I was trying to lie myself. Of course it wasn't possible, but when I lied everyone else, it was easier to pretend it was true... But things I'm most sorry is that I'm going to lose Her... I'm pretty sure about that and yet still some part of my heart hopes I'm wrong. Maybe I made a mistake not telling her about my feelings to her. But I know she would treat it as explaining or something like that. And wouldn't like to listen. Besides, I'm not sure if she would listen at all... I hope there'll be time for that also... It is even more difficult that I have almost no support. I can't expect it from my wife. Other family members (parents, parents-in-law, relatives) are also "victims" of my lies. And I never had much support from parents. We have almost no friends and those we have will rather support my wife than me now. There's actually one person I can rely on... But she is quite far and can do nothing more than a supporting letter and a prayer... I can't look into the future, but it seems dark to me...