COMPLICATED
OKAY - I KNOW #2 SON HAS CROSSED THE LINE. HE DIDN'T COME HOME LAST NIGHT AND I SAW MORE DRUG TALK ON HIS PHONE - VICODIN. TWO PEOPLE WANTED TO BUY IT FROM HIM. HE MAY BE SELLING BUT IT'S OBVIOUS HE HAS NO MONEY SO I IMAGINE HE'S "EATING" HIS PROFITS. TODAY MY HUSBAND AND I ARE SUPPOSED TO MEET OUR FRIEND (WHO WE HAVE GOTTEN TO KNOW THROUGH OUR YOUNGEST WHEN HE NEEDED HELP) IS A DRUG COUNSELOR. HE INSISTED WE MEET WITH HIM TO DISCUSS OUR OPTIONS AND TO PLAN HOW WE ARE GOING TO ADDRESS OUR SON, J. ON FRIDAY - OUR FRIEND WANTS US TO MEET WITH HIM AND OUR SON FOR A MINI, INFORMAL, INTERVENTION. OKAY -THEN WHAT? J IS SUPPOSED TO START COLLEGE ON MONDAY. IF WE PUT A HOLD ON THAT HE LOSES HEALTH INSURANCE FOR HIS CARE. IF WE WRITE THE CHECK AND HE FINDS HE CAN'T DO IT - WE LOSE BOTH THE TUITION AND WILL HAVE NO INSURANCE. HAVING SAID THAT - WHAT IF HE CAN HANDLE SCHOOL? PERHAPS HE CAN GO TO OUTPATIENT AND GO TO SCHOOL? I DOUBT THAT. IF IT'S PAIN MEDS HE'S ADDICTED TO (ASSUMING HE MIGHT BE) THEN HE DEFINITELY WOULD NEED RESIDENTIAL. BTW - REMEMBER I SAID I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY OBVIOUS SIGNS? HE DIDN'T COME HOME LAST NIGHT - YET HAS AN APPOINTMENT TO GO TO HIS COLLEGE WITH US THIS MORNING. HE STILL HAS TIME TO SHOW UP BUT ..... OH - I DOUBT IT'S A COINCIDENCE THAT LAST NIGHT I MET THE DIRECTOR OF ADMISSIONS AT THE COLLEGE WHERE MY SON ATTENDS. IN FACT, HE HANDLED OUR SON. LONG STORY SHORT, I SHARED WITH HIM ABOUT OUR SON AND WONDERED WHAT THE GRACE PERIOD WOULD BE - IF WE WRITE THE CHECK AND FIND OUT OUR SON ISN'T READY. HE TOLD ME HE WOULD FIND OUT AND CALL ME, WITHOUT REVEALING WHO IT IS. HE INDICATED HE'S LEAVING THE COLLEGE ANYWAY BECAUSE A NEW ADMIN. CAME IN WHICH HE'S NOT HAPPY WITH. THIS MAN WAS DIRECTOR OF ADMIN. AT AN IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL FOR TEN YEARS UNTIL MOVING INTO THIS AREA. HE SAID HE COULD GO BACK THERE ANYTIME BUT NEEDS TO BE BY HIS PARENTS. SO HE'S LEAVING THE COLLEGE (THEY DON'T KNOW YET) AND INSTEAD WILL BE OPENING UP A BOWLING ALLEY IN OUR TOWN WITH HIS WIFE - WHO WILL BE LEAVING HER JOB AS A DENTAL ASSISTANT. THIS MAN USED TO WORK WITH TROUBLED YOUTH AT A HOME FOR YEARS AND MISSES WORKING WITH YOUTH. HE HAS SOME PLANS TO GET ENGAGE THE YOUTH IN ACTIVITIES WITH BOWLING. HE SAID HE HAS PLANS TO USE BOWLING AS A TEACHING TOOL. I AM SO IMPRESSED WITH HIM BECAUSE THAT WAS ONE OF MY BIGGEST PET PEEVES -THAT KIDS (BETWEEN 11 AND 14) HAVE NOTHING TO DO. THE REASON WHY I MET HIM IS -- I SAW AN AD IN A LOCAL SAMPLE PAPER THAT INVITED PEOPLE TO COME AND FIND OUT WHAT THE NEW CITIZEN'S LOCAL PAPER IS ALL ABOUT. THE PAPER IS FOR THE PEOPLE AND BY THE PEOPLE. ANYONE CAN SUBMIT A STORY WITH PHOTOS, ADVERTISE AN EVENT, ETC. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR! I CAN START MY COMMUNITY CAMPAIGN TO BRING AWARENESS TO "THE BUBBLE" (WE CALL OUR TOWN) ABOUT ADOLESCENT USAGE AND ADVERTISE THE PARENT RESOURCE PACKET AND MORE! I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS. I HOPE J SHOWS UP SOON......
Replies
Pay for school. It\'s a vote of confidence/hope in the midst of the upheaval that may prevail. You can get most of the funds back if courses are dropped or changed within the next few weeks. That seems reasonable since you have to make some decisions sooner than that.....
Sadly, if you know he is dealing, he can\'t live at home. That doesn\'t mean he has to live on the street though or forgo school. You can support the positive ambitions/activities without condoning the illegal ones.
I hope J is safe and turns up soon. Thinking of you during this difficult time!
Gee do I recall this same situation. I have paid for college about 5 times now since 2001. My daughter started out in 2001 and had a 3.75 gpa her first year. At the end of the first year is when she had her first full blown panic attack while driving down the interstate. It has been downhill from that point. I struggled so hard trying to get her the help she needed, to keep her on my medical insurance, going from my insurance to COBRA at $400 a month, then finally in Dec. 2008, NO INSURANCE because this time around I could not affor COBRA at $700 a month. In between 2001 and 2009 she has seen 3 different doctors, therapist, been on 3 or 4 different meds including adderall, xanax (her drug of choice), pain meds (she bought when she could not get xanax) Lexepro, Wellbutrin, Trazadone, Colonapin, the list is endless. She has been inpatient twice at the tune of $30,000 plus and once for another treatment which the insurance would not cover that I paid out of pocket $12,500. She has attempted suicide twice, once was on a ventilator because she stopped breathing in the ER. Now she is on suboxene but still struggles with the anxiety and depression. The suboxene is $400 for a months supply which I pay for and $150 for the doctor each month. She was also just recently put on Wellbutrin again and I also have to pay for that now since she has no insurance, that cost $90 a so each month.
She recently said she would like to try to go back to school but her anxiety hinders her so much. She is so smart and has the benefit of VA education assistance because her dad is a disable vet. She could receive $915 per month just to sit in a class room. She\'s had that benefit since the age of 18, but it runs out next year. Sometimes I feel like I need to be on drugs!!! I find it hard to abandon her because she has the medical issues and now has just found out she has something wrong with her spine, which she will have to deal with this pain because of her drug addiction. It just goes on and on and never seems to get better. I have just tried to turn it over to GOD and I pray every day just to see her wake up each day I am grateful. It\'s so hard.
I am feeling your pain! To have this happen now is heart wrenching. I hope you\'ve had some time to at least talk to J. Is that why he\'s not around right now? He will need your support, and getting him to realize the devastation he is causing will be hard. But, from your posts he sounds like you can reason with him. He\'s a great student, and getting back to school and activities will be helpful. If he\'s not using, and needs the money for a reason, perhaps you\'ll be able to find this out. So may what if\'s, and maybes. He cannot live with you in your house if he\'s dealing. Period. I would HATE to have to turn my kid in for being a dealer and figure you\'re beyond that. Upset, turmoil, frustrations and anguish have been caused by his stupidity. I am so very sorry about this!!!! You\'ve got my support in whatever you decide because I care and am praying that you\'ll have the strength to get through this!! Love to you, D.
I\'m so sorry to hear about J. I would pay the tuition too as I work at a University and now you can get it back usually if the classes are dropped by the 2nd week of school or around that time. Their policy should be online at the school\'s website. Then you won\'t have to worry about that for at least another week or so. I hope J. wants help when you comfort him. I feel your pain and am with you. Stay strong, love Dorothy