Commitment
The sleepathon is gaining a restless edge. A body can only handle so much sleep and I believe I am past the limit. I haven't kept score, but this just might be the longest sleepathon I have ever done. The benefits of aging?
My fear of commitment seems to have emerged as the theme of the sleep processing. It is a frequent visitor to my strictly personal Halls of Dementia. Perhaps even my most deeply rooted and tendriled phobia; an invasive vine which clings to everything in its reach, capable of smothering just about anything it grows over. What it doesn't smother, it will weaken as it anchors itself greedily in anything from brick to mortar to rock to massive tree trunks.
It is hard to see clearly through the tangle of roots and branches, but I believe the phobia is currently in the phase of "waiting for the other shoe to drop." The project here seems to be going well, but my fears are braced for the fatal blow. The family crisis. . . The bureaucratic SNAFU. . . The neglected detail I should have paid more attention to. . . The personal crisis. . . Etcetera. . . Etceteri. . . The quiet voice is telling me not to look at ^it^ too closely. *Just* let ^it^ process and let the pieces fall where they may. To everything, there is a season.
The contractor texted while I was typing. I felt a hyper-vigilant groan at the chime of the text alert. Has the proverbial other shoe fallen. After a deep, calming breath, I looked at the text. "My men have ben sick most of this wk so I am behind it will be monday or tue." Not quite a crisis. I texted back healing hopes for his crew and appreciation for the update.
Replies
Humm, commitment...me fear of failing and or making decisions too quickly...All leading to my nemesis Procrastination! Glad the workers will be with you soon, how 'unusual' for a contractor to actually '''contact you'''... Thinking you Made The Right Commitment when you hired the team to do your work.
Can't remember which journal you wrote, the main theme was sleeping. With me it's my 'computer' and staying up til 2/3 am and Not Sleeping. Don't know if a Buddhist Nun I've been listening to, has helped me find 'self love'...practice practice with baby steps, falling down and getting up over and over again..ugh She has lots of talks on utube...Pema Chodron. A 'little' Merry Christmas to you, her audio book on "Getting Unstuck"....listening in progress for me, hoping you will enjoy too!!! <3 as you wake up and also wishing you smooth sailing over calm rivers on your journey...ml https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rql2mA5HoA
Hopefully the sleep was healing arfie. I slept about 15 hours yesterday too. good luck with everything else. Our biggest adversary is our own minds.
Yea, and my mind's got a mind of its own.
Like you said, to everything there is a season.
I hope the contractors are going to show up when they say they will. I also hope the sleep just might be needed. Deep calming breaths with you.
There are incredible rivers nearby. The rivers are why I am here. This is called, "The Four River Region," The Ohio, the Cumberland, the Tennessee and the Mississippi, and they arenae even the only major rivers within a day's drive of here. Each of those rivers have tributaries. Clark's River is nearly in the back yard.
And I have no good explanation for why I am not exploring them. . . Sorting. . .
A great irony of my life is that I have explored river banks on 3 continents, but have virtually no experience with boats. Don't seem right, somehow.
Yea, and I'm kicking myself for not taking advantage of the off-season. Thanks for the reminder.
I have followed the Tennessee all the way down to Alabama, but have yet to give the Cumberland its due. So much world and so little time. And rivers run through all of it. . .