Coming to Terms With My Condition.

It has been a trying week for me; It was hot for the past 3 days and the impact of being fired from my job had finally hit me. I was very depressed. My former employers owe me money for all the hard money in overtime that was owed me. They had worked me like a dog and not appreciated. My former supervisor is a Jersey boy who is very racist and gay. No disrespect to my LGBT brothers and sisters, this man gives your community a bad name. Racism shouldn't be tolerated at all ANYWHERE!

I was very down and as a result of what happened to me, I was making bad decisions, my body crashed due to the crazy hours I had worked, and acting very arrogantly. As a result of what happened; I learned about myself and that I didn't have any friends there. A co-worker whom I had thought was a friend had turned out to betray me and turned her back on me. She is friends with the supervisor and told him EVERYTHING about me that I had told her that would remain confidential. The only people who respected and appreciated the hard work I had done was the customers. 

That is what I appreciate about that job. They knew I was doing all the work keeping that place clean and nice to me. I also learned that kindness given is kindness given back in return. I didn't change who I was because of my former supervisor's comments and remarks. Right now, I am rebooting my life. I am purposely staying off Facebook in order for me to clear my head, my writing online group which I am a part of, and start healing from the last relationship I was in which resulted in me not being in a relationship for 12 years. 

I can also admit that I am Depressed. The losses in my life have taken an emotional, mental, and spiritual toll on me. When I didn't see my daughter after my ex has parentially alienated her from me including being publicly humilated by the Court Magistrate, I lashed out by spending money. The pain of not being in my daughter's life and being forced to participate in a horrible court ordered job training program was too much for me to bear. I used spending money to hide my pain causing my depression. Reading on my favorite comic book website Newsrama on a story from Batman Writer Scott Snyder's struggle with Depression and being here writing this journal has helped me acknowledge that I need help. 

Iam going to seek  counseling. Until I find a good counselor to help me out, I will utilize the support here and help myself. In the past; I have tried to do it believing that it will happen overnight because I was tired of feeling the pain. Now I can acknowledge my pain and get help. That is a 1st step.