Coming To Realize Reality.....
As the days slowly go by, and my mind is less and less ravaged by the thoughts and pain of my breakup of now 68 days ago, I'm coming to realize a couple things, some of which are hard to deal with, because with some, I have no one to blame but myself.
First off, I'm realizing that with some of the pain and suffering that I've had to deal with was of my own creation. Now that I can think more objectively I'm starting to think I had no business being in a relationship with my ex-fiance. The warning signs were there, the red flags were already in place, the hand writing was already on the wall, and due to now realizing that I wasn't so much in true love, but rather obsessive and infatuated with this person, I choose to over look the signs and go for it anyways.
Some of the warning signs that were overlooked were things like.....
1) She being 26 years old and had never lived on her own, had lived with her parents at home all her life.
2) Was pulled out of the 2nd grade and never returned to the school system.
3) When I was there, I never saw any problems she reported over Skype, never saw any.
4) Her lack of "real world" friends, her only relations were online only.
5) Her constant need to tell victimization story's, some story's were pretty fantastic!
6) The admitting to me that she used to be a "cutter" damaging herself around her vaginal area!
7) The complaints about "gaps in her childhood memories", couldn't recall time periods in her life.
8) The speed and quickness that she fell in love with me, the immediate love bombing of me!
9) The story's of childhood abuse by both parents, some leading to physical damage of her.
10) Her difficulties in relating to other people's hardships, big lack of empathy or sympathy!
11) Her need to make her problems in life to be everyone else's fault, always a conspiracy against her!
12) No desire to better herself, said she'll never go back to school, nor ever seek therapy for anything.
13) Her Father's quickness in allowing his Daughter to marry me and fly 2000 miles away to live with me.
14) Her complaints of her disabilities, no desire to champion them, liked the attention she got from them.
15) The speed at which unbridled sex was offered, "first night", we were like rabbits on night #1!
This is just some of the signs I should have seen, but again, I was blinded by what I thought was "true love"! I'm starting to realize that if I was able muster up enough common sense back then, and not so much thinking with my head that's bellow my belt line, but rather would have thought more with the head that's between my shoulders, I might not have subjected myself to this relationship in the first place. For me I am now frightening amazed how the heart, out of love, can override the mind and not take what the mind has to say seriously.
But I'm am thankful in certain aspects that the relationship went as it did, for I'm now in a better position to know what I don't want with my next relationship, I guess if I don't think with my head bellow the belt line next time, I'll be in better shape as towards possibly having a more meaningful relationship next time.
I'm thankful for the education in these matters, I just wish that it didn't come with such a hefty price tag!
First off, I'm realizing that with some of the pain and suffering that I've had to deal with was of my own creation. Now that I can think more objectively I'm starting to think I had no business being in a relationship with my ex-fiance. The warning signs were there, the red flags were already in place, the hand writing was already on the wall, and due to now realizing that I wasn't so much in true love, but rather obsessive and infatuated with this person, I choose to over look the signs and go for it anyways.
Some of the warning signs that were overlooked were things like.....
1) She being 26 years old and had never lived on her own, had lived with her parents at home all her life.
2) Was pulled out of the 2nd grade and never returned to the school system.
3) When I was there, I never saw any problems she reported over Skype, never saw any.
4) Her lack of "real world" friends, her only relations were online only.
5) Her constant need to tell victimization story's, some story's were pretty fantastic!
6) The admitting to me that she used to be a "cutter" damaging herself around her vaginal area!
7) The complaints about "gaps in her childhood memories", couldn't recall time periods in her life.
8) The speed and quickness that she fell in love with me, the immediate love bombing of me!
9) The story's of childhood abuse by both parents, some leading to physical damage of her.
10) Her difficulties in relating to other people's hardships, big lack of empathy or sympathy!
11) Her need to make her problems in life to be everyone else's fault, always a conspiracy against her!
12) No desire to better herself, said she'll never go back to school, nor ever seek therapy for anything.
13) Her Father's quickness in allowing his Daughter to marry me and fly 2000 miles away to live with me.
14) Her complaints of her disabilities, no desire to champion them, liked the attention she got from them.
15) The speed at which unbridled sex was offered, "first night", we were like rabbits on night #1!
This is just some of the signs I should have seen, but again, I was blinded by what I thought was "true love"! I'm starting to realize that if I was able muster up enough common sense back then, and not so much thinking with my head that's bellow my belt line, but rather would have thought more with the head that's between my shoulders, I might not have subjected myself to this relationship in the first place. For me I am now frightening amazed how the heart, out of love, can override the mind and not take what the mind has to say seriously.
But I'm am thankful in certain aspects that the relationship went as it did, for I'm now in a better position to know what I don't want with my next relationship, I guess if I don't think with my head bellow the belt line next time, I'll be in better shape as towards possibly having a more meaningful relationship next time.
I'm thankful for the education in these matters, I just wish that it didn't come with such a hefty price tag!
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