Coming Around

I want to thank all for the hugs, support and encouragement. You have all helped me to keep on plugging. Now with things as bad as they were, I have finally reached a point (after reading it somewhere here) where I am finally telling others around me just how I am feeling. No more grinning and bearing it .  This past week I was in tears several times (even at work) but I did share with a few coworkers and was comforted and encouraged. (Something I definitely need right now.... actually I think we all need that .... often)

I am still struggling with some of the same issues-- depression and lack of desire to do what needs to inevitably get done  (sorting , tossing , donating or trying to make a few bucks off accumulated stuff over the years) I was isolated and retreating-- just making it through the day to come home, eat and sleep.  I will try to make more of an effort now to accept friend's invitations-- to go out or for them to come visit for a bit.  And both a neighbor and a coworker extended an invitation to go to their church.  (Both go to the same and I believe I will take them up on it. )  I have always worked Sundays, but for weeks now he has been giving me that as one of my days off-- I figure about the time I make plans he will change it again.   I would like to go back to church  (Is a shame though as that was overtime and I was grandfathered in at time and a half-- so the only day I actually did make decent money. Sadly it is taking money out of my pocket.) But  It is an opportunity presenting itself.

I actually thought about putting a profile on a local dating site. Our Time (for 50 plussers)  I am not ready for a relationship but would like to maybe share some companionship and get my bearings back.  But then Dave's words and thoughts come back to haunt me... I find myself questioning if and when I will ever be ready to reach out again?  Wondering if another man will ever want to share my company or be interested in getting to know me?   Before you all panic, don't worry-- I am not there yet.  (the sad thing is, you know me-- I think, rethink and prolong everything. I feel like I wasted so much time already.)

I seem to have this preoccupation with time.  Don't have things all settled yet. Haven't decided where I want to go yet.  Have not healed enough to begin a new life and journey yet. I hear your words of being gentle with myself and give it time. Apparently I really need to work on that one. (Perhaps another example of divine intervention?  My patience is still not improving, especially when I am stressed or anxious... most of the time. lol. I have finally learned that God does not work on my time table. )

Anyhow, thanks again for all the kindness and patience you all have shown me as I continue to struggle through this all. 

Many thank and hugs, 

Kim