Colleen's message to me.
Last night I received a very personal message from Colleen, through my sister Gerda. The message was, "Mom, just get over it!" Gerda said that Colleen was very adement about it, this message was not negotiable at all. I was stunned! Gerda suggested that I change my sadness and hurting into a celebration of her life, and of the years we spent together. I was speechless...
After my phone call from Gerda ended, I couldn't speak to anybody about this, because it is almost sacredly personal for me. I kept thinking about my message....what do I do with it? How do I implement it in my life? This morning I realized what Colleen meant: I need to stop beating myself up over so many things I wished that I have done differently!! The past is over and gone! At those moments in time I had done the best I could, because I am just a human mom after all. I need to let go of all those regrets and the feeling that somehow I have failed her.
Gerda also told me that she saw Colleen, that she is a beautiful and perfect young woman!! At that moment I hated Gerda for having the honor to see my precious Colleen instead of me!! I am her mother!! But one day I will be with her again, forever!!!
Thank you, my precious Colleen, for setting me free from this guilt prison I created for myself!!
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OH WOW!! I have chills reading this!!!
THANK YOU COLLEEN for this powerful message for your mom, for truly it is a message we can all take to heart and learn from!
We moms are SO hard on ourselves!! We'll offer comforting words of truth to others, yet won't accept the same comforting truth for ourselves.....We did the best we could, with what we knew and what we had and it was enough! And the last thing our kiddos want to see is us running ourselves into the ground with guilt about anything we did or didn't do "right". I can so hear Kala saying "mom, let it go"!!
And I so understand the "anger/frustration" you felt for Gerda in that moment, but I'm guessing Colleen knew she was the one (this time) to talk directly to so as to make the biggest impact on you. Perhaps you wouldn't have "seen" the message in the same way. I think they know what we need and how best to deliver it.
Thank you so much for sharing this amazing experience with us! Much love to you and Colleen, and to Gerda too!
Such a life affirming message and my deepest gratitude for your sharing of it. I suspect, well I know that this is how our children must feel about their loved ones still here wearing our earth suits. "Lighten up, let it go, I'm okay, more than okay," these are some of the thoughts that come into my BEing as well.
Yes, we can imprison ourselves, can't we and I have no doubt as Teri said that you did your very BEST with what you knew at the time and Colleen is letting you know that. Such a gift it IS in every way and Gerda was the messenger. I have no doubt that you will BE that messenger for someone else and or Colleen will let her mum know how she is doing with her new found "prison release." :) I'm suspecting you feel pounds lighter dearest Andelene as I'm feeling it with YOU.
Loving care always and WOO HOO for such a gift that was given and that you openly received it and now will see where it takes you.
Heartfelt (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
I hope this revelation from your sister continues to free you. You are right the past is gone and I believe you did the best you could at the time in each and every situation.
I received my revelation in an odd way also. Since Josh died, I have often worn elephant jewelry, most often rings. I felt a kinship with the elephant and their open grieving in their animal society. The first ring created a rash on my finger which burned badly. Discomfort caused me to toss it. I ordered a different elephant ring. A few years ago I went on a diet mostly for health reasons. My elephant ring didn’t fit anymore and fell off. After a time, I missed it and ordered another one. I wore it for a short while when my finger swelled and the ring became very uncomfortable. My husband and I decided to cut it off. It did not take long before my finger returned to normal size. I believe Josh wanted to free me from the guilt and free me from grieving. He wanted to set me free and I have been happier for it.
Sending love your way, sweet friend!
Andelene, I think it's fascinating how our children communicate to us and who they will use to do so. I have had messages to pass on to others and I'm always nervous to do so but I just can't sit with it and must share what their loved one who has transitioned conveyed to me. I can understand being a bit envious that Colleen chatted with Gerda but Colleen is definitely sending you a loving message. ♡
I understand how we beat ourselves up as moms. There are times I have to pray through beating myself up for every mistake I did as a parent and feeling I failed Eddie miserably. But I too need to learn to let it go and realize I did the best I could at the time with the limited amount of tools I had in my toolbox. We are so hard on ourselves as moms and I know Colleen and Ed understand that while we made mistakes, we only wanted the best for them and had no ill intent.
Thank you for sharing. You have helped me with my guilt for my mistakes and I too am learning from your daughter and will try harder, as you are, to let go of regrets.
Love to you and dearest Colleen, Linda
How wonderful that Colleen was able to send you that message! I understand your feelings about not seeing her; but she found a way to talk to you. Perhaps she didn't want to be firm with you in person!
I am still waiting for Lisa to visit me. I have seen her in passing in dreams but I am still waiting for a proper visit.
It is so hard to not blame ourselves for everything. I think Colleen has spoken to many of us!
Love and tight hugs, Marlene - Lisa's mum
Yes she has, we need to honor our children by living, laughing and loving for sure. Thank you Colleen for this wonderful message. Peace, Kathy