Codependency - The Trick Questions

Codependency - The Trick QuestionsSometimes, I really believe that people should qualify the questions better before they launch an elusive disease in the world, and seek victims, which must be cured of it. The balance - I am still seeking the balance. Codependency groups define "black or white" thinking as undesireable. If that is so, then why ask black or white questions when determining if you are co-dependent?Do you find yourself making decisions based on other people's opinions?Yes, I do. I make decisions like getting to work on time, doing what is required of me at work, and behaving in a collegial manner to my co-workers, based on my boss's opinion of what I should be doing to earn my money. Are you an employee? Hmm.... not good, because that's a dependent relationship. You are depending on somebody else to finance your lifestyle, and essentially on their opinion if you are a good, reliable responsible employee. To be stop being co-dependent, you would have to have a job like... hey! I can't even think of a job you can perform, where you aren't dependent on somebody else! Is it important to you that people like you and want to be your friend?Yes! It is! I like having friends. I have heard that people who do not find it at all important to have friends have a pathelogical disorder known as "Schizoid". It is the pre-cursor to Schizophrenia. I don't live for my friends; I don't die for my friends. Sometimes we fight. Sometimes we aren't friends for a while. Some people can't even stand me at all. But I accept the fact I am a social animal, and need friends to survive in this world. I don't want everybody to be my friend, and I don't want everyone to like me. But it is still important to have friends. In fact, I find it ironic that people join support groups to learn how "not to want people liking you, and wanting to be your friends", yet making friends with these very people who are also attempting this. Do you have a strong desire to help others, but deep down you know you do it so that they will like or love you?This is an extremely perfidious question! Okay, I'll turn it around: Why would you do anything for anyone at all? Would you help a friend and expect him to pay your money? No? Then, logically in order not to be co-dependent, you should categorically refuse to help anyone or volunteer for anything. Good luck in that sort of life! You might as well forget participating in any group activities, having any intimate relationships, or even being respected by your colleages. I am not saying you have to help people all the time. But where is the balance? If I see a road accident, I am the person who stops to help. For one thing, if I don't help them, I could have my driving license revoked in this country. They call it "failure to assist in an emergency". It is a misdemenor. And I know that deep down inside that when I help save someone's life, they will appreciate it. Remember without this social trait, there would be no doctors, no firemen, no soldiers, no policemen, no rescue workers, no political campaign helpers, no teachers. Do you seem to notice everyone else's problems and have a need to tell them what you think they should do to solve them?Hey! There are some people's problems that I cannot oversee! But I resist the urge to tell them how to solve them, unless they ask. That is an invitation. When somebody asks me: What should I do? Then I give an answer if I know one. But we are back to square one, if you categorically refuse to express your opinion, or answer a question, for the constant fear of becoming "too dependent". You notice their problems, and you can just be an onlooker, until you're invited in. On the otherhand, I do know what it means if someone is a "buttinsky". That's the balance; the balance between running someone else's life, and refusing to take notice of anyone around you. Do you feel anxious, angry or upset when people don't do things you want them to do, or do things the way you want them to do them?How perfectly amusing! This question covers everyone. EITHER you are co-dependent because you become anxious, angry or upset when people don't do things you want them to do, OR ELSE you are co-depending because they don't do things the way you want them to do. Since I cannot escape, then yes! Yes, it pisses me off no end, when people promise to do something they said they would, and then forgot about it. I do get pissed off when I go to the hairdresser, and say "I want my hair cut like this and this. Will you do this?" And then they proceed to cut my hair like they want to, and I have to pay for it. Hey! Aren't I entitled to feel anxious, angry or upset once in a while? I do think it's neurotic to feel anxious about feeling anxious, angry or upset EVERY time somebody refuses to do something you want them to do, or refusing to do something the way you want it done. Isn't that what the old slogan at Burger King was all about? "Have it Burger King - Have it Your Way". If I went there it didn't get it my way, I would be angry and upset.Do you find yourself in relationships where you do all the giving and the other person does all the taking?And now we come to the crux of the matter. This is the heart of it all, and the point, where sometime in a long period of always giving, and never receiving, does the person begin the question about this. However, the solution, is not to refuse to give again, and deem that "sick behaviour"; it's keeping a sort of talley in your mind that it's a balance between give and take. Are you involved in activities that demand all of your time and energy and you are neglecting your family or yourself?I laugh and always think of this as a temporary condition, and not really an addiction, because sooner or later, something tips over in this scheme. That's why Mr. Obama will never be president for more than 8 years. It wears on his health, his family and his relationship with his wife. And any activity of high demand is like that, and has nothing to do with co-depency. Burning the candle at both ends, never works. Or that line in the song about having a girlfrind in addition to your wife: "when you double your home, you double your stress; you should think a little more, but you think a little less". If you burn the candles at both ends, your love life goes down the tubes, your health will suffer, and you will wonder when you are sick and all alone for whom you did it all. Nobody can escape this. It's not necessarily co-dependent, but just plain foolish. --