CO-dependence

Are you a codependent drug addict?Are you lying awake at night worrying about your partner or child's drugproblem?  Do you make excuses for this person, do you cover up for this personor do you lie to others - to not let this person look bad?Is your relationship characterised by constant fights, recriminations,apportioning of blame, verbal abuse and occasional violence?  Are your attemptsat control failing and you hate yourself for it?  Are you angry, because youhave tried everything and nothing works? Welcome to the world of thecodependent.Other symptoms of drug codependencyYou constantly ask yourself what you did to contribute to this situationYou cover up your real feelings by pretending you don't care, or don't noticesomeone else's drug habitYou spend a large portion of your time thinking about this person and theirhabit and what you can do about itYou have become very suspicious where this person is concerned - you watch whatthey do, where they go and check to see that nothing is missing after they havebeenYou constantly feel anxious, waiting for the next outburst or drama.You find yourself bargaining with this person or threatening themYour entire emotional energy is focused on this person, their habit and itsconsequences rather than on yourself and your lifeYou are constantly trying to make things better, but nothing worksYou are being lied to and deceived on a constant basis, but you find yourselfwanting to believe what is being said to youWhy do people become codependent?People become codependent for a variety of reasons.  They feel empty withinthemselves, often have low self-esteem, have difficulty expressing their ownfeelings and derive a sense of worth from being able to advise and help others. Their sense of self-worth derives from being able to help and control others -and the more out-of-control the others' lives are, the greater the challenge tofix things for someone else.  When this fails, as it inevitably does, as wecannot change other people, the feelings of worthlessness, anger and isolationbecome almost overwhelming.(This paragraph expecially!)So must I stop loving my child or partner who has a drug habit?The answer is simple - no.  But love does not mean control, says Robin Norwoodin her book Women who love too much. She adds that when we take responsibilityfor someone else's life, they don't have to. We can care about someone, withoutcaring for them. Sometimes not helping, not interfering and letting someone feelthe consequences of their actions, are the most helpful things we could do.Healing ourselves should become a priority and we should not let someone else'sbehaviour become the determining factor for our happiness.