Closing Out Day Number 9

Well, here we are, the end of another day, another day that I've been able to maintain my goal plan! To be honest, there are those rare moments where I feel a little weak and might want to possibly say take a quick walk to the local park and perhaps sit upon our old park bench and drift off to memory lane. But as I've stayed away from all those old "special places", I've realized that I'm emotional and mentally doing better. I think by me not putting myself through the torture of being at any of those old special spots and start to remember the memory's shared at those spots that by not doing that, it is helping me in my recovery. Plus, a fact that I have yet to have share, is the fact that sometimes the memory's that come back to me by being at the old spots isn't always what hurts me the most! Sometimes what hurts the most is that fact that she "not there"! Sometimes when at one of those spots I would catch myself looking back to say a spot she sat at, looking back sometimes thinking if I look at that spot one more time, maybe, just maybe she'll be there! It will never happen, she'll never miraculously appear out of thin air, she'll never materialize and actually be there! So the fact that sometimes I think that perhaps if I go to the spot one more time, some how, some way, she'll miracle herself to be there!  It's the looking over my shoulder as I walk away from things like that park bench, thinking that one of these times I might look over my shoulder and she just might actually be there! By this never happening and knowing the fact that once upon a time the one I loved touched this park bench and then realizing the fact that she isn't there is the real killer. So this isn't all being done just to save me from the memory's, it's to save me from thinking if I look over my shoulder one more time she'll be there!