CLOSET in Heart #6 Rejected?

OK, well, getting back to the pride thing.  Really had to do a lot of thinking & soul searching on this and why I had this attitude towards certain types of people.  Watching Joyce Meyers and her topic with John Maxwell (www.joycemeyer.org/ourministries/broadcast/) (RELENTLESS part 1, skip to 15:00 minutes into play by sliding the bar) was that God had to clean out her motives so she could be a useful vessel.  I thought "Yep, right there with you, sister!  Know what you mean."  I mean I KNOW I've been called by God Almighty to be a Ministerial Christian Counselor, so this is my preparation time to get it together to help others!!!! So, I really started tracing the root of my PRIDE....I've always told my kids, people put you down to make themselves feel better and this is TRUE.  But is that me?  So, I thought more about the matter and kept tracing the root.  You will never in your life guess where the seed to the PRIDE plant was sown.  NEVER!  I mean, God has taken me to this EXACT SAME SPOT IN TIME over & over for many things....needing to forgive, needing to know I am chosen not rejected, needing to know my life has a purpose, etc.  I've seen this SPOT so many times, I'm tired of going there! Yet, each time, my loving patient Heavenly Father has taken me here, it is to HEAL yet another part of my soul & spirit that is broken, misshapen or damaged in some way.  This SPOT goes all the way back to my childhood of about 4 or 5 yrs.  I know this because I distinctly remember not being able to ride a bike (I learned at age 6) and I was sitting on my cousin's bike propped against my grandparent's house playing like I was riding the bike.  When another person came up to me and made a comment. Now, I know as an adult, the comment was not intended to be cruel or hurtful, but it struck me so deep and so hard as they pointed with their finger at the situation.  I can still feel it as fresh as if I am there now.  The comment was made, and in my mind I knew I had to defend the reason for the situation and my response was, "I like them that way." but in my heart it was to protect myself, the ones I loved and felt that they were being put down.  It caused great conflict inside of me.....was what the person said true?  If it is true, does that mean they don't care about me?  Don't take care of me?  I'm not important?  I'm not wanted? I'm not good enough?   Moving along, shall we?  This planted the seed of "things needing to be perfect and anything or anyone less than perfect, I must do something about".  This creates control issues galore as an adult which has caused me grief and ulcers to go with the PRIDE.  See, if everything is perfect and everyone around me has been fixed by me to be perfect, then I can have PRIDE and I won't be in that situation I was in as a child when things weren't perfect.  GOT IT?  I sure did. So, it is true, I, in my mind because speaking it would be rude and not perfect, put people down to feel better about me.  Not me so much as the little kid way back when.  WEIRD ISN'T IT? So, I remember the aforementioned event in full color, full sound, full smell, full feeling detail.  I made the CHOICE to forgive the person who made the comment even though it was not meant to be hurtful, it was.  And now that my Heavenly Father has dragged me back to this SPOT AGAIN, we shall work on healing this new flaw and all the hurt raw emotions that it brings up.  I will then CHOOSE to remember that the lie planted was just that, a lie.   Regardless of what happens on this earth because of other people, THE FACT IS GOD LOVES ME, GOD CHOSE ME, I AM NOT A MISTAKE, I AM WANTED, I AM NOT A REJECT, I AM PERFECTLY WONDERFUL AS GOD MADE ME, AND I AM AS GOOD AS ANYONE ELSE WITH NOTHING TO PROVE BUT LOVING ALL PERSONS WITHOUT REQUIREMENTS TO BE MET.....LOVE BECAUSE GOD MADE THEM TO BE LOVED. Wow, don't know about you, but that all makes me tired.  Sad, hurt, needing to crawl into my Father's lap, let Him rock me, cuddle me, stroke my hair and say "It's ok. I'm here."  Just that image alone brings great comfort....I am loved just because I am. Still continue to work on the grumbling & things my Father has shown me and now I will add this knowledge to it as well. Hugs & love my peeps.  Why?Because YOU are worthy to be loved because YOU ARE, not because of what you do, not because of your job, your clothes, your house, your bank account, but because YOU ARE YOU! More hugs & love, my peeps.